Whether single or married one thing is really important to know…your relationship status does not define you. Is marriage the actual antidote for loneliness? Don’t miss the continuum of contentment and how to handle a mousetrap in the middle of a zoom call. How does God call those who are single? Why is there so much guilt and shame associated? You’ll love this conversation with Lisa Anderson from Focus on the Family. Wisdom for all as we navigate this important topic in a way that is encouraging and hope-filled.
Co-Host: Angelique Struthers
Special thanks to Vision House for sponsoring the Snacks And Good Company Podcast!
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Transcription:
Purposely. Your life. God’s purpose. Listen at onpurposely.com
Lisa Anderson:
Marriage is to be honored by all, Hebrews 13:4, straight up, and that includes single people. But it is a representation of Christ’s covenant with us as his bride, and it is a temporary representation. And we’ve got to remember that it does not define us. My singleness is not the biggest thing about me, nor is my married friend’s marriage the biggest thing about her.
Sherri Lynn:
Hello friends and welcome to Snacks and Good Company brought to you by Vision House. I am your host, Sherri Lynn. First of all, let me say thank you, thank you, thank you to all of you who have already reached out, who have sent emails. By the way, if you want to send an email, it’s Sherri, S-H-E-R-R-I, @snacksandgoodcompany.com. I’m so grateful that just even the first episode has been such a blessing to you.
And I want to say if you loved that, you ain’t seen nothing yet, because we have lined up such wonderful guests and such great people, great women to talk to about this topic that can be difficult to talk about, but hopefully we’ve done it in a fun and encouraging way. That was the goal anyway. That’s the goal of all of Snacks and Good Company is to talk about tough things, but in a way that makes them feel a little easier and you don’t feel alone. You don’t feel isolated. You can listen and say, “Oh, someone else feels that way too. That makes me feel better.”
That’s what it’s all about. All right? So thank you so much for all of you who have reached out. Listen, would you do me a favor? Would you share this podcast with a single woman that you think it will be a blessing for? Maybe you’re listening from last season and you’re married, you got kids, but you still find it encouraging and entertaining, but you have some friends who are single and they’re struggling in their singleness, please take the time to share it with them, because I do think it’ll be a blessing for them.
And we have a lot coming up that I think you’ll love. All right, speaking of which, we have Lisa Anderson from Focus on the Family that’s going to be joining us. But before that, people have questions about my cohost. Sometimes I just assume people know things that they don’t know because I haven’t told you. My cohost Angelique Struthers, who you guys absolutely love and you should because she’s wonderful, people wanted to know where she came from. How do I know her?
And actually when we did a round table, a virtual round table discussion, it was a fun kind of thing we did virtually with some young single women, we talked about how an Angelique and I first met. And I thought, well, I’ll play that so you can get some of the background. By the way, in this clip, when I’m referring to my play, it is my play called The Bold and The Sanctified. Yes, that is a shameless plug, but it’ll also help give you some context. So here’s me addressing the question on how Angelique and I met and how we have stayed connected.
Angelique is the co-host for this series, so we give her a round of applause. If you saw my play, then you remember her. She played the part of Ebony, so she was the pastor’s wife’s sister. And Angelique has been with me for a very long time, since college, since you were in college, huh?
Angelique Struthers:
Like freshman year of college.
Sherri Lynn:
Yeah, freshman year of college. Sarah, who played the white pastor’s wife, if you saw my play, she and Angelique were in college together. And I was up there visiting Sarah and I had a DVD of me doing comedy somewhere. And me and Angelique watched me arrogantly watching myself and laughing myself doing comedy. We were watching it and we found the same thing funny, which was the host called this man had a yellow shirt on and the host called the man Honey Mustard. And why that was so funny to us, and he kept calling the man Honey Mustard through the whole thing.
Angelique Struthers:
Honey Mustard, is she telling the truth?
Sherri Lynn:
And why that was so funny that he would continue to refer to this man as Honey Mustard through the whole comedy show, and we bonded over that and that was her freshman year of college. And she’s graciously been with me ever since and has always said yes anytime I’ve asked her to come and do anything with me. So grateful to have her here. So there you go, a little more about Angelique and our connection. And she truly, truly, I mean this, is one of those people that if you don’t like her, there’s something probably wrong with you. If you don’t like me, I get that actually.
There have been people who have told me, obviously in my job. I’m in mass media so I can get quite a few messages of people not liking me and sometimes they lay out a pretty compelling case where I’m like, you know what? I understand that. But Angelique is thoroughly lovable and I’m just blessed that she is joining us. Speaking of which, she will lead the next interview with Lisa Anderson. I love Lisa Anderson as well. She is a director. I’m reading from her bio now.
She’s the director of young adults for Focus on the Family, the world’s leading Christian organization dedicated to helping families thrive. You’re like, well, then, Sherri, what is she doing on here? She is single. So think about that. She is single and she works for Focus on the Family right there. I’m sure we have nuggets of wisdom we can gain from her. She manages Boundless Focuses Ministry for young adults with the goal of helping 20 and 30 somethings grow up and own their faith.
She is the author of The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose and host The Boundless Show, a national radio program and weekly podcast where she leads discussions on timely issues, interviews authors, artists and other newsmakers, facilitates Q&A, volunteers far too much information from her personal life. And she’s going to do that on this podcast as well. She loves Jesus, people, ideas and guacamole in that order. That’s what the bio says here.
So Angelique’s going to lead this interview and we start out asking her what we ask everybody. On a scale of one to 10, what is your contentment number? One being in the corner, huddled up crying with a sleeve contentment, and 10 you’re on Mount Rushmore of contentment with Jesus and Paul. We wanted to know where Lisa is on that scale, and she was very open and honest
Lisa Anderson:
An 8.5 and that has been hard won. So I could go back in four or five different seasons and give you numbers all up and down that scale, most of them a lot lower. So yeah, I feel like very much where I am right now. I am loving where God has me, and I’m trusting his purposes. And I’m like, okay, I think I’m seeing a little bit of hindsight of some stuff that God has brought about that’s been pretty amazing. And so I’m okay.
There’s always that. The 1.5 is the… I’ve had to wrestle a lot with just fear of growing older, loneliness, that kind of thing, just who’s going to take care of me. And a lot of that came out of I had my mom for a caregiving season. So a lot of that faith and doubt pendulum there, but there’s a lot that I love about singleness and I’m going to be okay with it for this season.
Angelique Struthers:
Can you tell us are there specific reasons, or is it just like there’s a contentment settling that’s happened? What kind of contributes to that I love being single in this season?
Lisa Anderson:
Sure. Some of that is just looking at the fact. So I think a lot of this has come as a result of me recognizing, I remember when I was younger, I remember having these very real tear fest conversations with God around when I turned 30 and I had the realization that I would never be married in my 20s, that was a loss that I had to grieve and I had to acknowledge. Also, when I was 30, my dad died. And so that was my realization that he would never be at my wedding. So again, grieving that unique loss.
Same thing. Then I crossed over into my 40s and it was like now there go my 30s. And so that will never be a reality. But now looking back, I’m like, as I look at my story and I see where I am now, I’m like, okay, I will never have the story that so many friends of mine do of I’m driving a bunch of kids around in a van, all these super rockstar moms. I mean, people who have walked out long seasons of marriage and parenthood and whatever. If that won’t be mine, then what would God have for me?
And I know that it would be if I were to get married and I’m still holding it open handedly, it would be something pretty unique. I mean, I just don’t know what that would look like. And so it kind of allows me to have an expectancy around that, while still recognizing that… And I don’t want to take credit for this and this is another thing that has been hard won, is the investments that I have made in relationships as a single woman are paying off. I have a number of single girlfriends who are sisters to me.
I have reinvested in some family relationships that have had bumpy seasons and whatnot. I have invested in relationships with older married couples and they’ve adopted me now that both my parents are gone. And so I’m reaping a lot of the fruit of that and recognizing that, man, there are lonely married people, y’all. I mean, it is like loneliness is not equated to singleness. It is equated to lack of relationship and lack of connection. And in the Body of Christ, we should go after that whatever season we are in relationally.
And so I’m just seeing there are so many younger women that are coming up under me, I lead a small group of younger women, and they’re going through all the angsty stuff now. And I’m like, “Girls, let’s talk about that because I was there.” It’s just allowing me to say God is good and he is faithful, and I can see his hand in so many of those seasons prior and even now.
Angelique Struthers:
Something that you said there as it relates to people’s view, but also sometimes our view, whether it’s cultivated or just innate, that loneliness and singleness are hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other, but this idea that marriage is the magic pill that takes care of all of that.
Can you speak to whether or not there was a time that that was a paradigm shift for you where you had to understand, hey, single doesn’t necessarily mean lonely and married doesn’t necessarily mean lack of loneliness? Was that a paradigm shift for you, or did you just have an understanding and you just had to come to a place of acceptance?
Lisa Anderson:
Yeah, I think it was. I think it came in stages for me, because I remember being younger and single and recognizing. I was so excited. I actually was able to buy my first home here in Colorado and doing that. And I had an older couple help me with that. But then it’s home ownership. And I remember one day I woke up and I went outside and my front fence had a slat broken off of it. And I’m like, well, what happened here? And then later in the day I noticed another slat was broken off. And then it was like two days later and a whole chunk of my fence was gone.
And I’m like, what is going on? My fence is just straight up being vandalized. And I remember thinking like, okay, well, I got to fix this fence. And I thought to myself, okay, who fixes fences? Do you go to Lowe’s and just find a fence guy and [inaudible 00:12:19] And I realized at the time that there was no one else that had to bear that responsibility but me. I was responsible for this fence and what had to happen. And obviously I leaned in.
I mean, there were just wonderful people in my church who were able to give advice and I was able to find someone and whatever, but that fence was no one’s responsibility but mine. And so that recognition, and I remember thinking to myself, and I was having a conversation with another friend about this, and she is actually the one who landed this one on me, she said, “Yeah, I think what I grieve the most is that I’m no one’s most important person.” And so realizing that and realizing like, okay, what does that mean?
But the converse of that, and at The Boundless Show I’ve had I remember a listener writing into me and saying, “Lisa, I can’t wait to get married because then someone will be obligated to love me.” And I’m like, first of all, no guarantees with that. That is a lie from Satan. But secondly, how sad to be hanging your future and your contentment and your hope on something that is another person who will inevitably disappoint you. And so I think in recognizing that and realizing that not all of us are called to be lifelong singles, but none of us are called to be alone.
Especially in Christian community, we are all called to walk with one another and to be the hands and feet of Jesus for one another. I often say, ladies, that one of the most encouraging verses in the Bible for me… Well, there’s two. One is when Jesus just straight up is like, “Who is my mother and who are my brothers,” and he is setting the standard for the Body of Christ preempting biological family beyond this world and even in this world, quite frankly.
The fact that there is no marriage in heaven should be a comfort to every single person because the playing field is leveled and it’s Jesus saying, “This is not the be all end all. This is not your ultimate destination.” And so I think between those two sections, just recognizing that, wow, there’s something bigger at play here and we all can avail ourselves of being in one another’s lives and loving one another and being in that space.
Sherri Lynn:
Yeah, let me say that the no marriage in heaven thing, I don’t bring it up often. That was part of my paradigm shift, but I don’t bring it up often because they will stone you, Lisa.
Lisa Anderson:
Are they talking about single people or married people?
Angelique Struthers:
The whole church will come and kill you. The one time I brought it up, I saw the torches and the pitchforks and I was like, let me get back in the house.
Lisa Anderson:
This idea that married people will just come after you because they are wrongly setting their hopes on something that is not promised in scripture. I like to say, I like to make it generational. Because I’m like, if there’s someone besides myself that I can blame, let me just do it and go out. Okay? Because I am a master at that. And so here I am, I’m a Gen Xer, but I love pulling out the boomers because I think the boomer generation in particular has put the nuclear family in an almost idolatrous place where it is the representation of everything, Christ and godliness on earth.
And I just don’t think that’s scriptural. And so it is a hard thing. I mean, marriage is a great thing. I mean, I work for Focus on the Family for crying out loud, and marriage is to be honored by all, Hebrews 13:4, straight up, and that includes single people. But it is a representation of Christ’s covenant with us as his bride. And it is a temporary representation, and we’ve got to remember it does not define us. My singleness is not the biggest thing about me, nor is my married friend’s marriage the biggest thing about her.
Sherri Lynn:
All right, we’re going to cut in right there. I know what you’re about to do, you’re about to rewind to hear what she said so you can get the actual statement because you want to X it or tweet it or whatever they say, or you want to write it down, or you want to put it somewhere because it’s so powerful. Just hold on. I’m going to repeat it. See, I got you. Marriage is a representation of Christ’s covenant with us as his bride. It does not define us. My singleness is not the biggest thing about me, nor is my married friend’s marriage the biggest thing about her.
That is so powerful. I know, I know what you were about to do. I got to rewind that. I got to go back 15, 20 seconds. No, I got you. We’re going to continue talking about your contentment number and specifically what happens when your contentment number dips when you’re riding high at a seven or a eight. Last episode we talked about what makes it dip. Now we’re going to get a little bit into how do you get out of that? How do you get past that two or that three where you can find yourself, where we can all find ourselves.
It was so important to me during this series to make sure that you know are not alone in that and that those times happen for all of us and will continue to happen. As a matter of fact, Mary Beth, in an interview with her, she was talking about being honest about it being hard, and it’s okay to say, “You know what? This could be hard sometimes.”
Mary Beth:
I did a seminar. There was a seminar someone asked me to speak at specifically on singleness, and it was a Zoom thing. This was during COVID, so it was a Zoom thing. So I did my little talk, felt true about what I said. I believed the things I’m talking about. God has purpose in this season, and I’m so grateful for the things he’s doing. Then I go on mute because it’s someone else’s turn. And in the meantime, while I’m on mute, I’m supposed to go back later, there was a mouse inside of my apartment that got caught in a trap and I heard the little snap and the little squeak.
I have to go to get the mouse out of the trap. As a normal person, I do not enjoy dead rodents in my house. So I’m doing this, but my hand starts shaking because I so hate this. And then I’m trying to set another trap because I can hear another mouse somewhere in my room. I keep snapping my hands in the traps because my hands are shaky at this point. And I finally just threw the trap across the room and laid on the floor of my bedroom in the fetal position and just cried. This is so hard. Why am I single? I just want someone else to clean the mousetrap.
Sherri Lynn:
Yes. Is that too much to ask. Get somebody else to get the spiders.
Mary Beth:
And then I unmute myself and I talk more about the gifted singleness as you choke back tears. That continuum can be within the space of five minutes.
Sherri Lynn:
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Can I tell you something, friends. As I got older and it was clear I was still single and didn’t have children, I made an unspoken vow as it were to be a helper. And I tell single young women that all the time, actually seasoned single women as well. If you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself, serve someone else. And that’s why when I found out Vision House was going to be our sponsor for this series and I looked into what they do for families experiencing homelessness, I was so happy.
Vision House would be an excellent place for you to serve, whether that is with your resources or even your time, helping families, most of whom are single moms with children, find temporary housing, life skill classes, mental health care, food, clothing and more. That is something definitely that would get your eyes off of whatever your current situation may be and focus on being the hands and feet of Jesus to someone in need. So listen, go to their website. Check them out. You’re going to love them, love what they do.
And trust me, you’re going to want to be a part. It’s visionhouse.org. Again, visionhouse.org. Welcome back to Snacks and Good Company. I am your host, Sherri Lynn. And before we get back to Lisa Anderson from Focus on the Family and Angelique’s interview with her, Angelique also had an interview, it was like a round table discussion, a virtual round table discussion with some ladies who are single and they’re a little older. I like to say seasoned. Seasoned is a good word, right?
I say for myself big age when you’re at a big age, but everybody doesn’t like. Some people don’t want the word big associated with them in any way, shape, or form. And believe me, I get that. So these are women who are a little older, a little more seasoned and single and Angelique had a great discussion with them and they talk about when their number dips and how they handle it. And I think it’s instructive to listen when you’re a little farther in life and you’ve gone through some things how you may handle it a little differently.
Angelique Struthers:
We’ve talked about what our contentment numbers look like right about now in this season. Can you all share, are there any specific tools or resources that you utilize to help to pull you out of that space or that naturally help to move you out of that space?
Speaker 1:
Okay, just to rephrase the question, how do we get ourselves higher when we’re low?
Angelique Struthers:
Absolutely. Yeah, when you’re in that dip, how do you get back up?
Speaker 1:
I call my kids, even though it’s not my turn to call my kids. When I’m low, I’ll send them a bunch of texts, or I’ll try to get them on the phone, but I don’t find myself in the dip for a really long time. So I think I fixed it pretty quickly.
Angelique Struthers:
May I ask, do you think that comes with age and maturity?
Speaker 1:
I don’t have any idea. I don’t know. I’m not going to sit here and tell you guys that I’m mature. I don’t know. I don’t know. God’s always in the background and he’s always my background music. I think I feel like I just lean on him, and I don’t really wallow in my aloneness.
Angelique Struthers:
Sarah, what do you do? How do you get yourself back?
Sarah:
I think it’s important to acknowledge that I’m in a low spot and that’s okay to be in a low spot. That if I just try to dismiss it and try to be too cheerful about it and not acknowledge those sad feelings and they just simmer, until it’s time for them to explode, so acknowledging those feelings is important. And calling people, having some people that maybe they won’t be available for a long dump, but just sending a message saying, “Hey, thinking about you or what you up to,” or share a funny video or something like that.
Finding other sources of connection are important. And kind of randomly, going for a walk and taking pictures of flowers. One of the things that I’ve noticed in France, there are just so many flowers in the area where I am and there’s so many beautiful creations. It reminds me of God’s goodness to see that beauty that may be temporary, but is still beautiful and still something good.
Angelique Struthers:
Yeah, that’s really good. Gee, how do you get out of it, sis?
Sarah:
I think first I usually try a large cheese pizza and a diet soda.
Angelique Struthers:
Can we applaud that answer? Well, bless the Lord. And if that doesn’t help, double down on the initial strategy.
Sarah:
If that doesn’t work after we’ve even doubled down, I’m a people person, so I get my energy from other people. So I will try and go out somewhere, maybe go for a drive. Blessed to have some of my family close by so they get a visit. But being honest, it’s probably the cheese pizza first.
Sherri Lynn:
If you couldn’t tell, it was a really, really fun night that we had with those ladies and so grateful that they agreed to join us and be transparent and honest about their singleness journey. Right now let’s get back to Lisa Anderson from Focus on the Family. Angelique, my co-host, is interviewing her. And in this next segment, they really talk about where does shame come from?
And we’re going to talk about more about this in the other episodes later in the series. Where does shame come from as a single person, specifically as a single woman? Is that internal? Is that external? How are people communicating shame to us and they may not even know that they’re doing it? Here’s Lisa Anderson talking about people implying that there is something wrong with us when we are still single. Why are you still single?
Lisa Anderson:
I mean, the fallacy is that we’re just not working hard enough at it. I get this from some of my extended family members. They will actually say to me, and they have. Now recently, I pretty much shut them down I think permanently. We’ll do another family show at some point and talk about some of those conversations, how to shut them down. But this idea, I’ve actually been asked, are you sure you’re putting yourself out there? Are you sure you’re doing what you need to do to make this happen?
There are many well-meaning people there who love marriage and who want marriage for me. And quite frankly, they think that if I were married, maybe we would have more relatable touchpoints or whatever in our lives, and that’s fine. But the fact is, Sherri, you and I host international shows that have lots of single people listening. I think we’re out there. I think we’re out there. So I think we have to recognize that whatever path we take, whatever path we’re on, and especially if it involves marriage, there are multiple people at play.
Your will has to be bent to the will of God. A guy has to be bent to the will of God if it’s going to be marriage for you. And quite frankly, God has to have input into this and he has to play a role. And so I can’t sit there and put my hands on something and act like I’m going to orchestrate my future into marriage and just make it happen. I can’t. And quite frankly, if I try to, it will probably have disastrous results. And so I have to be okay with that.
Angelique Struthers:
A couple of things that you said there to that, and it’s come up in some of the previous conversations we’ve had this week as well, but that concept of putting yourself out there and recognizing that oftentimes when people are bringing those sorts of questions and comments to us, it has less to do with me and it has everything to do with how they view singleness and releasing ourselves from the bondage of, well, they view me this way because I’m single. If they view singleness as less than or if they view singleness this way, they’re going to think of me this way.
I don’t care. Who cares? And so sort of losing ourself of that. But I’ve had that experience where literally a spiritual leader of mine, we would do check-ins. I was checking in with him and he’s like, “How’s everything going? ” And I was in a space of really wrestling with loneliness in that season and I said, “Mostly good, but I’m having my moments where I’m really wrestling loneliness and feeling that.” And this was a married faith leader at the time, and his response to me was, “Well, are you putting yourself out there?”
And so then for me, receiving that from someone that I receive spiritual leadership from, I’m like, should I be? I don’t think… Now wait a minute, I thought I had an understanding. And so I really had to then wrestle with this fact that, again, because it oftentimes can come from people who sit in a space of authority in our lives, whether that’s familial authority, whether that’s just an admiration and respect that we have for them, whether that is a faith leader. It oftentimes will come from these people, and then we are feeling like, well, do I need to reassess what I was believing?
Something that you said, Sherri, feeling like in those moments like, man, did I miss the mark? Missing the mark is sin. In other words, am I saying that singleness is sin? And so there’s so much shame and guilt.
Lisa Anderson:
It’s hard. And I mean, I think we see it play out in churches largely because of the assumption that marriage is almost a wrongly elevated mark of maturity in the sense of I only have jokingly talk about putting the singles at the kids’ table at church. Now, I will say that if someone is single because they’re just straight up selfish and they’re like I don’t want a spouse, I don’t want kids, I don’t want them to give up my life, I want to travel the world, I want to spend my money all on myself, that’s a discipleship problem.
That’s not really a relational problem. That’s just you need to hear from God as far as what right priorities are for any believer. But this idea that you can’t serve and you can’t sacrifice as a single person, I mean, first up, just by being single, there are certain sacrifices that we’re making and certain things that we’ve given up. And so we need to trust God in those things. But also there are many ways. I mean, I say this often to my audience at Boundless that man, this is not your license to just go out and be your best self and find your bliss and all this kind of stuff.
I referenced that I had a very hard season of caring for my mom with dementia, and I was called to that as a single woman. And it was hard. And one of my dear single friends came alongside me in that and she was called in it to help me in that season. Sometimes it’s serving at church. Sometimes it’s stepping up and helping someone else. Sometimes it’s giving financially in ways that other people can’t. And so we have to see, we have to ask God what that is for us and recognize that there is no shame in singleness.
I mean, if God’s telling you to move towards marriage and you’re not, like I said before, that’s a conversation you have to have with God himself. You don’t necessarily need to have it with your entire church community to find why you’re attending church while you’re not actively dating. But it is hard because the assumptions fly. And I’ve had married people just tell me straight up, “I don’t even know what to do with single people. Okay?”
And I’m like, “Well, why don’t you just start talking to us and we’ll have conversations with you and we’ll enter in and be part of that conversation?” So it makes it kind of a little bit of a challenge on both sides.
Sherri Lynn:
I don’t know what to do with single people.
Lisa Anderson:
What’s funny to me is how many married women circle back a few years in and they’re like, “Oh, I want to be in a small group with some of you single ladies or whatever because I want to find myself apart again, apart from sippy cups and diapers and people just asking me reading mom blogs and all this kind of stuff.” And it’s like, it is so true, again, and we have to remind ourselves of that, that who we are at our core and in our souls is not our relationship status or our various roles here on earth and what that looks like.
I mean, women want to be known for what they’re passionate about, what they care about, their personality, their humor and whatnot. So I’ve really enjoyed inviting married women, and especially even empty nester married women because now they’re having to wrestle with finding their identity apart from having raised a bunch of kids and done all that stuff. And now they’re like, okay, well, I don’t know if I just want to sit and stare in my husband’s eyes for the next 15, 20 years, so what’s this looking like?
And so we get to invite them back in as well and learn so much from them. I mean, we single women, I think this is where I like to brag on us, I think we are masters more than anyone else at learning how to do friendship because we just have to. If we don’t do it, we’re going to sit by ourselves with Netflix and probably a Hello Kitty mug or something.
Angelique Struthers:
To your point, Sherri, a sleeve of Thin Mints or kind of ice cream or whatever. And so it’s like we don’t want to be that girl. She is creepy and weird and sad. And so we’re going to go and we’re going to make friends, and I think we have the opportunity to show many other people how to do that as well.
Sherri Lynn:
I love Lisa Anderson. I really do. She is so wonderful. As a matter of fact, you know what we should do right now? We’re going to go to Lisa, her answer about the Ruth question and the Boaz question. I’ll just ask the question. You’ll hear Lisa’s answer about it. She taking her Boaz. If God came to you and said, “Hey, got your husband for you. Congratulations. Here he is,” and he is 40 years older than you right now, are you accepting that Boaz?
Lisa Anderson:
How exactly is God telling me this? [Inaudible 00:35:17]
Sherri Lynn:
Just to test the validity of the word. [Inaudible 00:35:30]
Lisa Anderson:
How many fleece is he going to give me? That’s rough. I hope that I would be close enough to the Lord right now to be able to discern that voice and say… I mean, if God’s like for some reason. I mean, we look at stories in the Bible now and they’re so assumptive and they’re so like, well, of course. But in that time and that place, we would’ve been like, you got to be kidding me. Man, that’s hard.
Sherri Lynn:
I appreciate it. Lisa, still trying to use the words, see? Focus on the Family training. She’s still trying to use words. You’re trying to get a fleece like Gideon. If you haven’t read that story… Where is Gideon? I think in the Book of Judges is what she was referencing. If you don’t know about that is Gideon was called by God, but he wasn’t quite sure, so he would put out fleeces, like little pieces of cotton or cloth, outside. He had a whole ritual to try to make sure it was God saying what he was saying, and that’s what Lisa said.
She needs the Gideon method to test and see if God got a husband for her that’s 40 years older than her. Speaking of the Boaz question, Angelique asked it in the round table virtual discussion that she had with our more seasoned single women. And my goodness, my goodness, my goodness, the answers were glorious. I can’t play them all because we laughed for a very, very, very long time. But this answer from Carmen, her response to the Boaz question, my absolute favorite.
Carmen:
My initial thought was, I don’t think they’d make people that old.
Sherri Lynn:
Somebody that could be that old. Carmen, you can get somebody that old now. God can do it.
Carmen:
Okay. He wouldn’t see me. He wouldn’t be able to hear me. If God wants to come out and give me a giant message and if his message is, “Here’s a 95-year-old man for you.” He got to write the 95 in the sky. It’s got to be a big message. It has to be a big message.
Sherri Lynn:
A big message for a big age. I told y’all I would not disappoint. A big message for a big age. All right, that is episode two of Snacks and Good Company. If you know a single woman, whether she’s struggling in her singleness or she’s really content, I still think hearing other single women and what they’re going through and just being able to have some camaraderie about it, because I don’t know many places in the church where you could just have that, where it’s not a woe is me, we’re all waiting in a waiting pattern, holding pattern, so to speak, waiting for, well, our Boaz.
But just to be able to talk and laugh and be honest about where we are and say the thing that Lisa said that was so powerful, my singleness is not the biggest thing about me. My singleness doesn’t define me. To be able to say that and know that that’s how God feels about me. I hope that’s what you’re getting out of it. And if you know a single woman who needs to hear that, even if she’s not struggling right now, she may need it later, please share this podcast with her and ask her to subscribe.
If you haven’t subscribed yet, make sure you subscribe, because the next episode, we have the author of the book, The Meaning of Singleness. I’m going to tell you how I came across the book. I’m going to tell you how I ended up talking to the author. Her name is Danielle Treweek and she’s from Australia. So us trying to arrange the interview time wise, it’s so worth it. All of it is worth it. I am telling you, you do not want to miss the next episode. In fact, here’s a little bit from Danny.
Danielle Treweek:
Essentially the invention of the gift of singleness, this idea that you need some special spiritual empowerment, some extra special spiritual gift from God, as I say, a boost shot of the Holy Spirit to live contentedly without having sex. I mean, we could do three whole podcasts on how many problems I think there are with this particular thing, but let me say, I actually think it undervalues marriage. It turns marriage into the solution for loss, the remedy for loss.
Sherri Lynn:
Uh-oh! If that doesn’t make you tune in for the next episode of Snacks and Good Company, my friend, I don’t know what will. Danny Treweek will be here with us, author of the book, The Meaning of Singleness, and we’ll get into the gift of singleness and more. Woo, it’s going to be a good one. We’ll see you on the next episode. Snacks and Good Company is presented by Purposely. Produced by me. Co-host for this series is the one and only Angelique Struthers. Music is done by Matt Mason of Mason Haven Music.
Thank you, Matt. Art design by Notoria Marketing. Sound engineering by Garrick Whitehead. Social Media by Janessa Schuller. Multimedia recording was done in StudioME in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Make sure you subscribe to this so that every episode is in your inbox, and send it to a single person that you know that you think it’ll be a blessing to or encouragement to. Maybe she’ll laugh, maybe she’ll cry, but at least she won’t feel alone.
So make sure you share this series as well. And if you have any comments or questions, you can always email me at Sherri, S-H-E-R-R-I, [email protected]. We’ll talk to you next time, friends.
About Sherri:
Sherri Lynn has been a radio professional for well over a decade. She has her degree in Communications as well as Biblical Studies. Sherri is a writer, comedienne, and former youth pastor. She wrote and produced a comedy DVD entitled “The Very Funny Church Comedy Show: Together We Laugh”, wrote and starred in the stage play musical “The Bold and the Sanctified” which starred American Idol Winner Ruben Studdard, and authored the book “I Want To Punch You In The Face But I Love Jesus.” She is the producer of The Brant Hansen Show and “The Brant & Sherri Oddcast.”
