I’m Julie Lyles Carr, filling in for Erica for this week, and we are on a journey of talking about what it means to release our kids into their own faith experiences, and into their faith walks. Today we’re focusing on knowing how to navigate trusting the Lord with our kids and letting Him work in their lives, while we step back in faith, and prayer, releasing them into the Lord’s hands. This idea that we, at a point in our kids’ lives, have to let go. How do we go about letting go? What do we do when that letting go is not lining up the way that we thought it would? Let’s find out.
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Transcription:
Guest Speaker: Julie Lyles Carr
Welcome to the Bible for Busy People. I am Julie Lyle Carr. I have the honor of filling in for Erica for this week, and we are on a journey of talking about what it means to release our kids into their own faith experiences, into their faith walks, even when some of the twists and turns of that experience are not turning out exactly like we would’ve thought. A few years ago, I was doing an event with some people who I truly love. I was speaking at a conference that Phil and Diane Comer had put together. They have an incredible ministry about intentional parenting and intentional families. As part of that experience, I got to be there with Bob Goff and Jeff Bethke and Emerson Ridge, some people who I really admire and who have done some really powerful work when it comes to talking about families and marriage and how we’re supposed to be navigating those relationships.
And during that experience, Phil and Diane Comer put together a question and answer panel for all of the guest speakers. And so, we gathered on stage and we sat up on these stools and we took questions from members of the audience about things that were happening in their own families, and ways that we could say, Hey, I’ve been there. I’ve been through that. Here’s where I messed up. Here’s some ideas that might help. Here’s what God says about that in his Word. And this question came up that was really heartfelt. It came from a mom in the audience who disclosed that she had a child who had entered their early adult years and this child was not walking in faith, and in any structure like the mom had thought would be part of their story. Her heart was really broken about it. She was trying to figure out where she had messed up, what had she done to cause this situation.
And so, we had a moment of pause as she wrapped up her question to us, what do I do about my kid who isn’t walking in faith? And I had a moment of such, almost visual clarity, if you will, because it dawned on me and I was able to speak this to her. God has over 7 billion kids on this planet, and if statistics are to be believed, a majority of them right now are not walking with him. So, stop blaming yourself. God is the perfect parent and he has given free will and choice to people. He gives people the option to follow him freely. Some of us take that option and some don’t, and it’s not a reflection on God’s parenting because his love is so big, he still continues to stand and reach out to those, hoping that they will respond to his call. He does let the natural consequence of sin remain, and those who aren’t following him, he still loves deeply; to the point that the Psalmist talks about, that God’s voice is still even heard in his creation. And so, he still calls out in ways that give people an opportunity to recognize there is a creator in this incredible universe that he’s created. This first from Deuteronomy 7:9 is so powerful to me when I think about those parents who are grieving that their kids are not walking in a way that they thought they would when it comes to their faith.
Know therefore that the Lord your God is God. He is the faithful God keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments.
This idea that we at a point in our kids’ lives have to let go. How do we go about letting go? What do we do when that letting go is not lining up the way that we thought it would? Part of what I see in the letting go process is a central question we have to ask ourselves that is a tough question. And that question is this, do we believe that God is big enough and devoted enough to go after the one that we can let go and let him do what he’s going to do. To let go and let him define relationship with our kids. To let go and let them find him? I crack up at the mother of James and John. Now, somebody in James and John’s life had a really hard time letting their sons go have their relationship, and their walk with Jesus. And it was their mama. In Matthew 20 verses 21, following all the way down, she approaches Jesus. And Jesus says to her,
What is it you want? She said, Grant, that one of these two sons of mine may sit at your right and the other at your left in your kingdom.
And Jesus says to her,
You don’t know what you are asking. Can you drink the cup I’m going to drink?
And James and John answered,
We can. And Jesus said to them, You will indeed drink from my cup, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant these places belong to those for whom they have been prepared by my Father.
What I take from this passage of scripture is that this mama just couldn’t seem to stop herself from interfering in what Jesus’s relationship was with each of these followers, James and John. And part of what she was asking Jesus for was something so far beyond her comprehension about what it would mean. In her worldview, if one of her sons could sit on one side, one on the other, they were going to be in incredible place of potentially helping co-rule the kingdom. Maybe that’s what she thought it meant. Ultimately, what it meant for James and John is they ended up being martyred and giving their lives for the cause of Christ, which I certainly do not think was this mother’s intention when she approached Jesus about securing a position for her sons within the kingdom. Your adult child will face different challenges to their faith than the challenges you have faced. And so, God has a unique path for your child to walk down. And so, in some of our best efforts to prevent our kids from having to go through some of the hard stuff we did, we could be inadvertently circumventing important aspects of their journey. Colossians 3:21 says,
Parents don’t provoke your children in a way that ends up discouraging them.
When it comes to conversations about letting go of our kids, if they are not walking in a way that is how you would’ve walked out your faith, what are you saying to them? Are you saying things that could be really discouraging or provoking? Or are you letting them know that you are there for them, you love them, and you respect that God has a story he’s going to tell through them? For us to be able to say to our kids, I know that God has a plan for you, and I know it’s something that I can’t completely understand. I know it’s something that I can’t dictate… I am letting you go to walk your walk with God, can be some of the most profound things that we say to our kids when they’re walking into their adult years, even if it doesn’t look like we thought that it would.
I’m excited to join you next time when we unpack what it’s like for the next gen when it comes to releasing our kids into their own walks with God right here on the Bible for Busy People.
Thank you so much for listening to the Bible for Busy People. If you need prayer or you’re ready to go a little deeper in your faith, we’ve posted some resources for you in our show notes. We’d love for you to share this podcast with a friend and leave us a review. It helps us reach even more people with the hope of Jesus. This podcast is part of Purposely, a podcast network designed with practical podcasts to help you find and live in God’s purpose for your life. Find more podcasts that will recharge you at onpurposely.com.
