Finishing out this week we’re touching base on leaving room/space for our kids in the faith walk. Leaving room means judging can’t be part of your relationship with your child. Does this mean that you can’t have a clear understanding of what God’s word says is appropriate living an appropriate lifestyle habit? No. It doesn’t mean that. What it does mean is that when you see one of your children living in a way that you don’t think aligns, go back into your own work to clean house first. What in your life is not part of what God would have for you? Where has gossip snuck in? Where has anger snuck in? Where has gluttony snuck in? Do that work.
Leave room for God to do work in your child’s life. Walk in the love of Jesus, model the love of Jesus, and in that way by loving others well, you fulfill the law. It comes from a place of gentleness. This word is so powerful. Gentleness won’t create a defensiveness. Gentleness is, I love you. Tell me what’s on your heart. Tell me your concerns. Help me understand where you are coming from. Let’s start there.
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Transcription:
Guest Speaker: Julie Lyles Carr
This is the Bible for Busy People. I am your guest host this week, Julie Lyles Carr. Erica has been out getting some much deserved vacation and R&R. We’ve been talking this week about that very tender place of releasing our kids, in their late teens and early adult years, to walk into their own relationship with God. The places where we might interfere with that, the places where we need to back off, the places where we need to hold the line, and today as we wrap up this series, we’re going to talk about leaving room. I got to witness a really wild conversation one time. I happened to be a passenger in a car with a woman who was in her sixties and her mom was in her eighties. The woman in her sixties was driving, her mother was in the front seat passenger seat. They were discussing how we were going to get to a particular restaurant, and they ended up having a knockdown drag out because the 60 year old was going to go a certain direction and take a certain street, and her mother absolutely thought that was the wrong way to go, not the most efficient way to get to the restaurant. They snarled and hissed at each other for a little bit, and then that 80 year old mother said to her 60 year old daughter, Well, you know that the Bible says that children are to obey their parents. I cannot make that up. An 80 year old insisting that the 60 year old drive the way she wanted her to drive because God’s Word says that parents are to obey children. Okay, now, yes. Ephesians 6:1-4 says,
As for children, obey your parents in the Lord because it is right. The commandment, honor your father and mother is the first one with a promise attached, so that things go well for you and you will live for a long time in the land. As for parents, don’t provoke your children to anger, but raise them with discipline and instruction about the Lord.
Does the Bible say kids obey your parents? Yes. You know what it also says? It also says in the book of Genesis, leave and cleave that a man and his wife, they leave and cleave. They become their own family, and at that point, should we still honor our parents as our parents? Of course, but this mandate about obedience when we’re now all adults and we’re shoulder to shoulder and peer to peer, yeah, that’s where you need to take note because there was something kind of wild about watching an 80 year old trying to get a 60 year old to obey her about a preference for driving to a restaurant. It was really amazing.
When our kids are making different choices in what we would want, once they’ve launched into adult years, we want to leave room so that if they are walking in a way that is hard for us to watch, or if they’re going down a faith lane that we have some doctrinal about, how do we communicate that as grownups to our grownup kids, without trying to insist that somehow they have to drive the route to the restaurant that we want them to drive or they’re somehow outside the pale of scripture because they’re not obeying us? Whatever that’s supposed to mean at that moment, we can actually make it hard for our children to share the progression of their journey with us. What are some ways we can do this? We can be very well-meaning, but if we feel like our child is walking away from God, maybe we are texting them scripture memes all the time,. Maybe they come to the house for dinner and we surprise them for a movie night by sitting everyone down to watch a faith-based movie. Maybe we are trying to insist on their attendance at holiday services or things like that outside of our home. Maybe we’re taking every opportunity to reiterate what we disagree with them about, when it comes to faith or politics or social issues. When we do that, we are not leaving room for them to hear the whisper of God. It is basic human nature and psychology that when we push people and we make them defend their positions, they’re going to become more and more entrenched in that position. Here’s the deal. They know what you believe. They grew up in your home. They’re not confused. You don’t have to say it 27 times. They know. Galatians 6:1 says,
Brothers, even if a man is caught in some fault, you who are spiritual must restore a one in a spirit of gentleness, looking to yourself so that you also aren’t tempted.
This word gentleness is so powerful. Gentleness won’t create a defensiveness. Gentleness is, I love you. Tell me what’s on your heart. Tell me your concerns. Help me understand where you are coming from. Sometimes unfortunately, often the most, quote unquote, spiritual among us can be the most dogmatic, insistent, harsh, judgmental. Those things don’t soften a person’s heart. Those things don’t leave room for God to do what God can do. One of the top things if you want to leave room, live consistently. Live according to what you say is important to you. When we react out of anger to some of our children’s choices, when we nag, when we keep coming around the curve to the same argument over and over, we aren’t exhibiting the compassion, the love, the mercy of the God we say we serve. I think about this passage in Proverbs 31.
She speaks wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed.
Why? Because she’s living out what she says is most important. My mom always said that this was the verse that gave her the most pause in all of the Bible. It’s from Matthew 7:1,
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Leaving room is about saying, Judging can’t be part of your relationship with your child. Does this mean that you can’t have a clear understanding of what God’s word says is appropriate living an appropriate lifestyle habit? No. It doesn’t mean that. What it does mean is that when you see one of your children living in a way that you don’t think aligns, go back into your own work to clean house first. What in your life is not part of what God would have for you? Where has gossip snuck in? Where has anger snuck in? Where has gluttony snuck in? Do that work. Leave room for God to do work in your child’s life. Walk in the love of Jesus, model the love of Jesus, and in that way by loving others well, you fulfill the law.
Well, it has been such an honor to be with you this week on the Bible for Busy People, and I just want to thank you again for letting me come alongside you. I’d be so honored if you want to hop over and listen to my podcast on the Purposely Podcast Network. It’s called the AllMomDoes Podcast. We’ve been around for almost seven seasons now and we love to walk alongside you as you navigate all the things about raising your kids, and keeping your marriage strong, your career, what it means in your spiritual life. All those places that you are as a whole person walking before God in this life called the AllMomDoes podcast. I’d love to connect with you too on any of the places social. I’m Julie Lyles Carr, all the places, and may God bless you as you continue to learn and walk with him through the Bible for Busy People.
Thank you so much for listening to the Bible for Busy People. If you need prayer or you’re ready to go a little deeper in your faith, we’ve posted some resources for you in our show notes. We’d love for you to share this podcast with a friend and leave us a review. It helps us reach even more people with the hope of Jesus. This podcast is part of Purposely, a podcast network designed with practical podcasts to help you find and live in God’s purpose for your life. Find more podcasts that will recharge you at onpurposely.com.
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