*Disclaimer: This is not the best episode to listen to with your kids present. Put those earbuds in for this.
Ms. Bev is in the house! It’s the moment you’ve wanted, Sherri’s mom joins the conversation. Hear how the Lord made all the difference as Sherri navigated a childhood full of trauma. Plus, Sherri and her aunt talk directly to you if you don’t have kids and are listening. You still have a part to play in the village. If you are a single mom working hard, divorced, or wondering where your perfect husband and picket fence are, you’ll find this super encouraging!
Special Co-host: Jackie Nickel
Special thanks to Redemption Press for sponsoring the Snacks And Good Company Podcast!
Find Sherri: Online | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter
Transcription:
Jackie [00:00:10] Can you explain what the dynamic was like with your then husband and Juan and Sherri together? Like, what was that like?
Bev [00:00:17] Well, when I’m married, you know, I literally in my back sliden state, knew that the Holy Spirit was telling me, “No.”
Jackie [00:00:28] Wow.
Bev [00:00:28] I was so…I just felt this darkness. But I was determined because I was thinking, “Well, here now I have a child. Nobody else is going to want me,” you know? I know. I felt like he did love me. So, you know, this is going to be our life together. So I ended up marrying him. And I paid for every dark day that I had with him.
Sherri [00:01:02] Hello there and welcome to Snacks and Good Company being brought to you by Redemption Press. Talk a little more about them a little later in the episode to tell you how you can write your book, because I know you have one. They’re going to help you write it. But right now, my friend Jackie Nicole is here.
Jackie [00:01:19] Hi, friends.
Sherri [00:01:20] All right. So special episode because we have my mom, Ms. Bev and my aunt, who is also my godmother, who we affectionately call Nana. This was a good interview.
Jackie [00:01:31] Yes, it was really good.
Sherri [00:01:32] But what I do have to do, we agreed on this, right, is to give a disclaimer.
Jackie [00:01:36] Right.
Sherri [00:01:36] So if you listen to this with your kids, I don’t know that this is the episode to listen to with your kids. Not because my mom just starts dropping F-bombs or something like that, but she talks about our life. And we had a very traumatic childhood, but yet somehow a happy, joyful childhood because of her and because of her love for Jesus. And I think that’ll come through.
Jackie [00:01:59] Yeah, it will.
Sherri [00:02:00] Okay, good. But I want to say to you that she will talk about some domestic, you know, violence problems, some drug issues on my dad’s part and all of that, that that our story is a little messy. And I just want to say that if you are a single mom, you’re going to get this a lot. You’re going to understand it a lot. This is really going to be impactful for you. But if you have kids listening, I don’t know if you want, you know that for them. So that that a good enough disclaimer.
Jackie [00:02:29] I think it is.
Sherri [00:02:30] All right. So let’s jump in with Ms.. Bev. You had great questions for her and she was really excited to talk to you. So let’s start with my mama.
Sherri [00:02:39] Mama. What is your favorite snack?
Bev [00:02:42] I really don’t know. It changes. It varies from month to month. But yes, today is grapes.
Sherri [00:02:49] Yeah she has grapes right now
Bev [00:02:50] And yesterday it was grapes.
Sherri [00:02:52] Yeah. So. Okay, so grapes.
Bev [00:02:54] It varies.
Sherri [00:02:55] The McFlurry. What is that?
Bev [00:02:58] Nana introduce me to that. Yes, It’s chocolaty pretzel mcFlurry.
Sherri [00:03:06] Uh huh.
Bev [00:03:06] Chocolate pretzel mcFlurry. Yes.
Sherri [00:03:08] Okay, so Chocolate Flurry. I’ve seen you enjoy that.
Bev [00:03:12] Oh, my goodness.
Sherri [00:03:13] I’ve heard you enjoy that. So I know that that’s important. All right, so let’s go to some Jackie questions.
Jackie [00:03:20] All right, Miss Bev, I am excited for everyone to get to know you a little bit more today. I wanted to start off by asking if you can just give us a picture of what it was like as a mom raising your two young children.
Bev [00:03:35] Oh, the picture at times were bleak.
Jackie [00:03:40] Can you explain what the dynamic was like with your then husband and Juan and Sherri together? Like, what was that like?
Bev [00:03:47] Well, when I married Bill.
Sherri [00:03:52] We about to get sued.
Bev [00:03:55] It’s truth.
Sherri [00:03:57] Yeah, go ahead.
Bev [00:03:58] When I’m married, you know, I literally in my back sliden state, knew that the Holy Spirit was telling me, “No.” I was so…If that’s a word grieved. I, I just felt this darkness. But I was determined because I was thinking, “Well, here, now I have a child. Nobody else is going to want me”, you know? I know. I felt like he did love me. So, you know, this is going to be our life together.
Jackie [00:04:28] So this is the best I’m going to have?
Bev [00:04:30] Yes, exactly. So I ended up marrying him. And I paid for every dark day that I had with him.
Jackie [00:04:41] How long were you married for?
Bev [00:04:44] Well, when I divorced him, it was like 17 years.
Jackie [00:04:48] Wow.
Bev [00:04:49] Yeah.
Jackie [00:04:50] While you guys were married, did you feel like you even though you’re married and, you know, you guys were living together and everything, did you still feel like you took on the mom and the dad role raising your kids?
Bev [00:05:01] Most definitely. And I must say, even though we were married like 17 years, we only lived together maybe about six or seven.
Jackie [00:05:10] Okay.
Bev [00:05:10] Because for the most part of that time, we were separated.
Sherri [00:05:14] He was in and out.
Jackie [00:05:15] What was he like as a dad?
Bev [00:05:21] About to be sued.
Sherri [00:05:26] We going to get sued now. That’s gonna be the title of this series. We about to get sued. So he was a very broken man. And they always say hurt people hurt people. And so I will say that whatever brokenness happened in his life, his childhood, whatever he went through, that was definitely duplicated in our lives. And so, you know, I don’t know where I would be if I didn’t have a strong mother, if I didn’t have a mother who was so adamant on us knowing who the Lord is. People with fathers like that end up in really bad situations because it’s trauma. It’s trauma and it’s trauma every day. And so even if he was in and out and that made it worse because you’d be okay, right? Yeah. Like “We’re all going to be all right. It’s like we made it right.”
Bev [00:06:23] And I take him back.
Sherri [00:06:24] Yeah. And then as your life is like that again. Like someone asked me, “what would I tell my 12 year old self?” And I would say to her, “Dad’s not there.” Like, when we get to wherever we’re going, Mom lives with you and Dad’s not there.
Jackie [00:06:37] Mm hmm.
Sherri [00:06:38] And that 12 year old would be like, “Okay, well, then we’re going.” Because he it just always felt like this dude is coming back.
Sherri [00:06:45] Like he’s coming, right? And so it was a very difficult life and there’s really no other way to put it.
Bev [00:06:52] He sold drugs,.
Jackie [00:06:54] Okay.
Bev [00:06:54] And he was. And then he began to take the product.
Jackie [00:06:58] Oh.
Bev [00:07:01] Drugs. And then it the selling of the drugs was bad. But when he began to actually take drugs, it was worse because then he was selling things like he stole my son’s…They had a fundraising for the school and he stole his money. I had money saved up for Christmas, and he went in my purse and stole all of that money. And so we had to scrounge around. If it hadn’t been for my sister, my dad, I don’t know what I would have done.
Jackie [00:07:34] Yeah.
Bev [00:07:36] You know, it was things like that in this one. I’ll tell you, this one incident, the people actually came to our house.
Jackie [00:07:42] Oh, no.
Bev [00:07:43] And they surrounded. I saw them come in trucks. They had was two trucks and they had people in the back of the trucks. One of the two truck? Yeah, Pickup truck. Pickup truck. And so they one drove into the yard and the other drove like on the side of the building. And then I looked out, I was in the kitchen and I was washing dishes and I happened look at it was like, “Who is this?” So the guy pounded on the door. I went to the door and he said, “Is Bill here?” Well, he was in the in the back in the bedroom. And so I said, “Yeah, he’s here.” He said, “get can you get him for me now?” So I went in.
Jackie [00:08:25] Were you scared at that point? Like you knew what was you?
Bev [00:08:27] Little apprehensive because I didn’t know what was happening.
Jackie [00:08:30] Yeah.
Bev [00:08:30] And then. But when I got scared is when he came to the door and he, in his eyes, got as big as saw. So when he saw the guy and he said, “May you come to my house like this. You know, you you actually going to come to my house like this?” And so he said, “Man, where’s my money?” Like that. So the kids were in their bedrooms. So I went and got them and and told them to go out the back door down to my my friend’s house.
Sherri [00:08:56] I remember that day.
Jackie [00:08:57] I was just going to ask if you did
Sherri [00:09:00] I remember like yesterday because you could feel the tension in the house were still kind of little. So I had like 12. So but you can feel the tension in the house and she’s gathering us like it’s the last time, right? Like and she’s like, “Go to Miss Sherry and Brian’s house” and we’re like, “Why?” And he get out of bed and she’s like, “Just go down there and don’t come back until I come and get you.” And I just remember, like, and we live in a trailer, so it wasn’t like we’re in some big house, you know what I mean? You’re trying to, in the middle of the night, trying to go out the back door of a trailer. And yes, I do remember that. I remember that very specifically.
Bev [00:09:39] And I call my sister right away. And I told her, I said, “There’s some people here, some bad people here for Bill.” I said, “I don’t know what’s going to happen. Please pray.” And I said, “Call people around, please, and tell them to pray.” So then I don’t I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but the voices got raised and everything. And then the next thing I know, the guy that was at the door told some other guy to get Bill’s motorcycle. He said, “We’re taking your motorcycle as payment, but I need the rest of my money.” But right now we’re taking a motorcycle. So that’s what they did. And so that’s what.
Sherri [00:10:18] That’s what life was like.
Jackie [00:10:20] Listen, my my watch knows I’m stressed right now. It’s asking me if I want to take a breath because I’m feeling this kid. As you’re telling me the story. I’m like, “oh, my gosh.” And this is like, all the time?
Sherri [00:10:33] Mm hmm. Yeah.
Sherri [00:10:36] All right. So that’s part of the reason why we had to add a disclaimer to this.
Jackie [00:10:40] Yeah.
Sherri [00:10:40] Because. Because they’re stories like that. And honestly, I’m not doing this, like, for pity or anything like that. God brought us out, and obviously we’re fine, but that was a common occurrence. Those types of things were common occurrences in our life.
Jackie [00:10:54] Yeah, it seemed I it just hard to imagine that that’s what you had to live with all the time.
Sherri [00:10:59] Yeah and so when I say she was a single mom, I mean that person that’s there who is, you know, has drug dealers coming into the house and all of that, That’s not a dad, right? That’s not a father. So he was there, but he’s not.
Jackie [00:11:10] Like physically there.
Sherri [00:11:11] But yeah, he’s not nothing. Yeah, he make things work. So she when I say single mom, she definitely was a single mom. And then who helped her because you hear in between there, you may have heard someone laughing or talking. It’s my Aunt Nancy. Yes. She’s talking a little bit in there, but I wanted to give this part of it. I don’t have kids, but I’m a really, really, really, really, really good aunt.
Jackie [00:11:34] Yeah, you are. I’ve I’ve seen you.
Sherri [00:11:36] I appreciate that. I am tooting my own horn there.
Jackie [00:11:39] Toot toot.
Sherri [00:11:40] Toot, toot. I am a good aunt and I strive to be the best aunt ever. But my template for it is my nana.
Jackie [00:11:49] Aww.
Sherri [00:11:50] And so if you’re listening right now and you don’t have kids, but you have nieces and nephews, I didn’t want to leave you out and wanted you to know what part you can play in the village. And I think Nana is the best to to describe that because she was a part she was our safety. She was she was everything right?
Jackie [00:12:10] Aunts are heroes too.
Sherri [00:12:11] Aunts are heroes. Yes. And my nana is definitely one. So I wanted to hear a little bit from her.
Aunt [00:12:18] Well, when Sherri was born, she lived with us in my mother’s house. So of course, from the time she was born, I was.
Jackie [00:12:28] You were there?
Aunt [00:12:29] Yeah and same with Juan. They lived right across the alley, so I was always there after work. I would be so excited because I would come and see the kids. So I saw them almost every day of their lives.
Sherri [00:12:45] But we didn’t know that she wanted to come to the house all the time. So we had this thing, this plan, where we had a little piano that had Charlie Brown guys in it, and we would take the tarp. We knew she got off or she would come around the corner because we lived above a garage, right?
Aunt [00:13:02] Yeah.
Sherri [00:13:02] So we she we knew she came around the corner when Electric Company went off. So it was Sesame Street. The Electric Company. Electric Company came off. And we know that aunt Lenny is coming around the corner, right? And we had these little men. She was going to come see us anyway, but we didn’t know. So we had these little men lined up on the ledge of the window. And as soon as the electric company came off like clockwork. Every day we would go and put the things on the ledge and then push them all off and then sit and wait in a window till she came closer to the house. And then we were like, “Aunt Lenny, can you pick up our men and bring them upstairs?”
Aunt [00:13:36] Every day.
Sherri [00:13:36] We thought that that was she was coming anyway, but we were like we need a plan for her to get here every day. And so, yeah, we would toss those things off every single day.
Jackie [00:13:44] Yeah. What was your relationship like with them?
Aunt [00:13:48] Oh. They were the best. I’m getting teary now. They really were. And I think they added so much to my life. You know, I never wanted to be married or have kids, but. So.
Jackie [00:14:09] But you found purpose and your role as an aunt?
Aunt [00:14:11] Yes. Yeah, that’s. They just brought me so much joy, and I just enjoyed them as kids, as grown ups. They’re. They’re just good, good babies.
Jackie [00:14:23] Yeah. Did you feel like you struggled along with them as they went through their stuff?
Aunt [00:14:30] I don’t know about struggle. I tried to make sure life was steady for them with me there because I always told them, if anything happens.
Sherri [00:14:43] Yeah, call me.
Aunt [00:14:45] Call me. Go somewhere and call me. So I knew if one time I remember they called and she was whispering and I said, “What’s wrong?” And she said, “I don’t know. They’re arguing and fighting.” And I said, “Do I need to come?” Because, of course, if they need me to come, I come. I didn’t care because I felt like their protector in a sense. So she said, “No, no, no, you don’t need to come.” I said, “You sure?” You said, “Yeah.” Okay. So I would just pray, you know? But yeah, they were my buddies playing outside or whatever.
Sherri [00:15:29] They would come and we would just stay there a week or something. And I just she make us fried spam sandwiches was just the best thing ever.
Aunt [00:15:39] I’d stay until it was time for them to go to bed. Sometimes I bathed them. Sometimes we lay down. I’d put them to sleep and I’d fall asleep before they did wait till they were asleep and then put Juan in his bed. And then I would go home and go to sleep. And the next day, the same thing over and over.
Sherri [00:16:01] That’s my nana. That’s my nana and also my godmother. So but we call her Nana, and she was so instrumental in helping us. And so, again, if you’re an aunt, I just want you to know that you can play a pivotal part in a child’s life. I think I do. I hope I do. My girls are probably listening. So.
Jackie [00:16:20] Yeah, I think. I think you’re not giving yourself enough credit.
Sherri [00:16:23] Well, thank you. I appreciate that. So, okay, So coming back, this is an episode that I really wanted to be a single mom focus. There’s a lot of stuff if you’re not a single mom that you can get from my mom’s story and wisdom and knowledge from that. And but for single moms in particular, I really wanted something that you could listen to and share with friends. Maybe you’re not a single mom, but, you know, one that would be particularly encouraging to them.
Jackie [00:16:50] Yeah, I. I don’t think that single moms get enough credit.
Sherri [00:16:54] I don’t either enough credit or enough when I say attention, like enough focus on the fact on how hard it really is.
Jackie [00:17:02] Right, yeah.
Sherri [00:17:03] Your Aunt Nikki, who we talked about earlier, four adult children, right?
Jackie [00:17:08] Yeah.
Sherri [00:17:10] Raised her kids primarily as a single mom, especially in the early years. And she just has so much wisdom about her story. I just think people will resonate with the story. So Aunt Nicki is coming up after the break about all that she went through. Some of which you didn’t know?
Jackie [00:17:26] Some of it I didn’t. Yeah, and some of it was hard to listen to,.
Sherri [00:17:30] Was it?
Jackie [00:17:31] Yeah.
Sherri [00:17:31] I was looking over at you while we were doing the interview, waiting for you to, like, chime in with a question or something. But it looked like you were like, “Huh?”
Jackie [00:17:38] Yeah, I was like, “Umm I got a process this.”
Sherri [00:17:43] Well, we’re going to let you hear that. If you have a single mom friend, share it with them. Share this episode with them, because I think it’s encouraging. But what Aunt Nicki has to say is super, super special, and it’s coming up.
Sherri [00:18:06] Friend. I don’t know you personally, but I believe you probably have a book in you. At least an idea for a book. Or maybe you started writing a manuscript and then you kind of stalled out. Or maybe you already have a book that you published and you just want to relaunch it or create a companion product wherever you are on the journey. Redemption Press is awesome! I mean that, like for all of that and more, they are a Christian owned and operated hybrid publishing company. So from consultation to community, whatever you need, wherever you are on your writing journey, Redemption Press is here to walk it out with you. I know the owner personally, and Athena is committed to empowering you to tell your story. You do have a story to tell. Listen, don’t let fear stop you. That’s what happens, right? You get afraid. You think, why me? And then you just let it go. No, don’t let fear stop you from reaching out to Redemption Press. I promise you’ll be glad you did. Your message is their mission. Redemption Press. Contact them right now. Right now. RedemptionPress.com.
Sherri [00:19:20] All right. We’re going to just jump right into it. Aunt Nicki is your aunt?
Jackie [00:19:23] Yes.
Sherri [00:19:24] Yes and four adult kids. But you felt like she was really a spiritual influence in your life?
Jackie [00:19:31] Yeah. I feel like she took time to talk to me about things and just showed interest in my life. And but she gave me the space to, you know, learn things on my own as well. But when I did have questions or I needed help navigating some things, like she was the person I would turn to and she’s an aunt that I would hope I could be for my nieces and nephews.
Sherri [00:19:53] I like that. She, when we started talking about this podcast initially, she was one of the first ones. You said I want to talk to my Aunt Nikki about raising kids in a wise way that honors the Lord. And after talking to her a few times, I understand why you want to talk to her. So I asked her specifically about raising kids as a single mom getting divorced, and her story is just riveting.
Sherri [00:20:21] Nikki, do you remember, like, a moment, a revelation moment where you’re looking at your little kids and thinking, “Okay, I am now a single mother with little children.”
Nicki [00:20:32] Yes, absolutely. I mean, those kinds of memories are like stamped into your mind and heart and emotions for forever.
Sherri [00:20:41] Okay. Around how old were they when you started being a single mom?
Nicki [00:20:46] So my son was one week away. My oldest was one week away from his sixth birthday.
Sherri [00:20:54] Oldest? Wow
Nicki [00:20:55] Yeah. Yeah. When we separated, we parted ways.
Sherri [00:21:01] Okay.
Nicki [00:21:02] And so then I had five, three, two, and like, ten days later, I found out I was pregnant with my fourth child.
Sherri [00:21:12] Wow.
Nicki [00:21:14] Yeah.
Sherri [00:21:15] Okay, so.
Nicki [00:21:16] I’m laughing, but it wasn’t really a time of laughter at all. It was really devastating, because who enters into marriage to get a divorce? Nobody does.
Sherri [00:21:25] Right. Right.
[00:21:26] And absolutely nobody wants children to grow up without their father in the home.
Sherri [00:21:32] And to be going through whatever you were going through and then find out you’re pregnant.
Nicki [00:21:37] Yes. Well, you know, I kind of had like a breaking moment just crying out to God, saying, “God, I don’t want to be a single mom with three kids.” And, you know, just a few days later, I found out I was expecting my fourth child and I was like, “Not funny..”
Sherri [00:21:57] I’m so glad you said that. Because I started to be like, “Well, God has a sense of humor.” He’s like, You won’t be a single mom with three. You’ll be a single mom with four.”
Nicki [00:22:05] Oh, that’s like my lifetime joke with God.
Sherri [00:22:09] Yeah.
Nicki [00:22:10] Ah ha. Thanks for answering my career.
Sherri [00:22:13] Yeah. So I don’t even know how to ask you how you start to go on that path. Because like you said, you don’t go into marriage thinking this is where you’re going to end up. And so you certainly don’t have a plan. What it was just was it just like, hold on that God, you know, white knuckle hold on to them every day? Like, was that it? And just take each day as it comes?
Nicki [00:22:37] Yes, absolutely. Like when you are the only caretaker for babies, I had three in diapers. Your life becomes very focused. I had no question when I woke up in the morning, what am I going to do today? I’m going to make sure that my children are fed. I’m going to make sure that my children are clothed. I’m going to make sure that they have playtime and that they have nap time then and you know that they’re eating decent food and things of that nature. So your life just becomes very focused and your life becomes your children. And I did have I did have to work during that time.
Sherri [00:23:20] I was going to ask, how are you sustaining yourself with these four little kids and now you have to work?
Nicki [00:23:27] When I had to make the phone calls to let my family know that, you know, my ex and I were no longer together, and then just a few short weeks later, make the phone call I’m expecting almost every single one of them told me to quit my job and go on welfare.
Sherri [00:23:42] Okay.
Nicki [00:23:43] So in my mind, I think there’s no way I’m not going to provide for my children.
Sherri [00:23:49] Right.
Nicki [00:23:50] That the thought process that I made. So, no, I just there is a lot of help. You know, there there was food stamps I was on. What is it, Medicare or Medicaid?
Sherri [00:24:02] Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you continued to work?
Nicki [00:24:06] I continued to work. And there’s vouchers. There’s like, government vouchers. So I was able to pay a sitter. Yeah. With these vouchers.
Sherri [00:24:14] And do your kids remember because we’ve talked on this episode, we’re talking about other single moms, one of which my mom, who was essentially single mom raising us. And we were talking about how the adult kids don’t really remember being poor. Like, the mom knows what it was. But yeah, do your kids not really even does that not really even resonate with them?
Nicki [00:24:40] Some of them didn’t even know that we were poor and little older. But, you know, there’s I’ve always tried to find free things to do and make them fun, like going to a park or near us there was like a little pond with the ducks and goats and to go and feed them more. We established a habit of going to the library every single Tuesday.
Sherri [00:25:04] Yeah.
Nicki [00:25:04] And they, they did that all through their life. So there are a lot of free things you can do. And I just kind of immediately shut down. “No, we don’t buy candy at the stores” and “we eat dessert at the home.” Like, “no, we don’t do candy machines.” So, you know, they kind of learn not to ask for those things. And then when I did have a little bit of money, I tried to make a big deal about it.
Sherri [00:25:30] That’s so good. Now, if you if there’s a single mom listening and I’m sure there are many, many, many thousands of them listening right now, and you could give them one piece of advice in this season. Let’s say it’s a single mom and she has, you know, two little kids or three little kids. Obviously, she’s going through perhaps the trauma of, you know, not having someone there. Maybe it’s a divorce. There is separate, whatever it is. What would you say to her? What encouragement would you give her in this season?
Nicki [00:26:00] I would just say, well, first of all, I have the utmost respect for single moms who just work year after year after year and go through all those battles alone with their children.
Sherri [00:26:14] Yeah.
Nicki [00:26:15] And there a lot of hard battles. It’s kind of easy when they’re smaller. It’s physically demanding, physically tough. But once they get into those, you know, pre-teen teen years, that is really difficult stuff. But what I would say is, yes, of course, grab on to Jesus. I have an incredible faith and just knew that Jesus was going to take care of me, that God was going to provide for me. I didn’t really worry about my bills because I knew God was going to take care of me. I had a bigger adjustment when we were married. Because it wasn’t just me and God. It was like somebody else also making decisions about finances. And that was really a greater challenge for me than it was entrusting Jesus as a single parent.
Sherri [00:27:04] That’s interesting. Yeah. No, I totally get that. I’m glad you said that about the respect for single moms. I really wanted this episode to have a lot of that in it because I didn’t want like a lot of our episodes are like, “This is what I did. This was my husband did.” And obviously that’s, you know, the preferred way. But there are a lot of people who that’s not their path and I didn’t want to leave them behind, you know what I mean?
Nicki [00:27:29] Yeah, they are heroes. Like when I was a single mom, you know, it was an honor to me to fight life and work and and take care of these beautiful people that were under my care.
Sherri [00:27:44] Yeah.
Nicki [00:27:45] You know, And when I see a single mom, like, literally year after year after year or doing things alone, taking out the trash alone all the time, planning a vacation alone all the time, making sure that there’s clothes in food and all the time, you know, when you don’t have that one other, something like nobody else to lean on. And sometimes people don’t have anybody to lean on. Yeah, I certainly didn’t it in my life when I was a single parent. My family was in another state. They were they were loving and caring and understanding, but they weren’t they weren’t able to, like, be there. So I would just say, you know, I think God loves to give us promises when we are by yourself in situations like that. And you know, people say, “Oh, you did such a great job.” And I said “It was all tears and prayer. It was all tears and prayer, you know, and bringing my children to the feet of Jesus.” And that was really significant to me when my oldest turned 17. And I felt like he was 17 for three years. It was such a difficult year.
Sherri [00:28:56] It was a decade of 17.
Nicki [00:28:59] It was and, you know, when you realize that their childhood is over and any influence or control or contribution, I really have to giving them a good childhood was over. And, you know, my children as young people really had, you know, went through a lot of darkness. It was hell for them. It was very difficult to separate from their father and go through that. And, you know, like the verse that God gave me at that time was like, “You brought them to the feet of Jesus.” So whatever you did good or whatever you did bad, you chose the good part and bringing them to the feet of Jesus. And to this day, I trust him. I have to trust God on that. You know, as you watch your kids get into their twenties and figuring life out on their own and making their own decisions, it’s like, “You know what? I’m still trusting you for all of this God.”
Sherri [00:30:00] All right. That’s Aunt Nicky with her words of wisdom for single moms, usually a single mom, Unless, like, you’re Oprah and you’re a single mom. Other than that, most single moms struggle financially, right? So here’s a little bit of my mom and other moms talking about, “Hey, yeah, you’re struggling financially, but your kids, well, they remember something else.”
Bev [00:30:25] I was working as a part time teller, and then Nana would put her money with mine and we would take them to Busch Gardens.
Sherri [00:30:33] Kings Dominion.
Bev [00:30:35] In Virginia and Cincinnati and I didn’t want them to feel that this is all life had for you is the projects. One time we we didn’t almost have enough money to pay the toll, remember? We were scrounging in the bottom of our purse to get off the turnpike.
Jackie [00:30:55] But God provided.
Bev [00:30:56] Yes, they did.
Sherri [00:30:57] I actually remember that. I remember that because we also had to share hamburgers. Each of us couldn’t have a hamburger. So I remember having to split it. And in those times, like if you’re a single mom right now and you’re doing those things and you wish you could do more, I want to tell you I don’t hold any resentment because me and my brother had to split a hamburger. What I remember is that these two women put everything together and on the line. They wanted our minds to be expanded. That’s what I remember.
Lynn [00:31:27] My baby was 18 months when we divorced, and so it was scary being a single woman with a wee little, you know? And it was very frightening. I didn’t have really much money. I was working for the government, but I was only a clerk typist at the time. And so to make my refridgerator look full, I used to get like empty Kool-Aid containers and empty water pitchers and anything, anything that could hold water. And so I had about three or four of them at the time, and I fill them up with water and put them in the fridge. And so that just made me feel better when people in my fridge, it looked like I had something, but I didn’t really have anything.
Sherri [00:32:17] It was a morale boost. Like, you open it up, “Okay there’s stuff in here. It’s not empty.” Yeah.
Lynn [00:32:22] And so they say, “Well, what do you have?” And I’d say, “Would you like some cold water?” And so those were hard times that I can laugh about it now. But back then, that was serious stuff. And another thing I used to do was buy potatoes, you know? And you could do a lot of things in the bag of potatoes. I mean, you can boil and you can mash them, you can fried them, you can make and you can make and so many different ways. And, you know, a bag of potatoes didn’t cost that much.
Sherri [00:32:57] That is a brilliant idea.
Lynn [00:32:59] Oh, absolutely. I always had ice water and potatoes in any form.
Sherri [00:33:04] Do you feel like your kids feel like they grew up with a lack of funding, as you put it? Do you feel like they felt that?
Lynn [00:33:16] No, just like when I was growing up, I didn’t realize that we were poor. When I was growing up, I didn’t realize we were also lacking funding.
Sherri [00:33:31] There’s a severe very lack of funding everywhere. Let me tell you.
Lynn [00:33:34] And so I didn’t know we were poor myself. But my girls, I don’t think they ever felt it. I don’t think they ever noticed it. I don’t think they ever knew any better.
Sherri [00:33:45] And you know what, I think that’s very important. I think that’s very important for moms to hear, because I think there’s so much comparison now, especially with social media and people we put these lives out there that we actually don’t have, right? But it’s like, “Well, look where she’s going. Look what they’re doing with their kids. Look where they are. Oh, my goodness.” And there’s all this comparison. And you Well, from what I can see, moms can heat guilt on themselves saying, “Well, I’m not doing enough.”
Lynn [00:34:13] Absolutely.
Sherri [00:34:14] And so I think that’s important for moms to hear is when you’re in that rat race trying to make sure your kids have this, have that, have that have that If I’m hearing you right, Lynn, there’s something more that you can give them that the other stuff doesn’t matter.
Lynn [00:34:28] Oh, absolutely.
Sherri [00:34:32] I don’t think that I’ve I’ve asked you, do you have any single mom friends? Are all your moms friends are married?
Jackie [00:34:40] I know my sister.
Sherri [00:34:42] Okay.
Jackie [00:34:42] She’s a single mom, had my niece around at a really young age.
Sherri [00:34:46] Okay.
Jackie [00:34:47] So…
Sherri [00:34:48] Some of this resonates then, that level? Yeah. So my mom here coming up, we’re going to I mean, not coming up, but right now, Miss Bev is going to talk a little more. And you asked her, well, we’ll just let you ask the question. And this again, I want to mention, if you’re listening with little kids, my mom’s story has a lot of ups and downs and stuff that you might not want to have to explain to your kids. So just a little bit a disclaimer there. Jackie asks our question and we go from there and get the story of her being her life once she became pregnant with me.
Jackie [00:35:23] Can you tell me a little bit like how you got pregnant with Sherri?
Bev [00:35:28] How?
Jackie [00:35:29] Well I know how I know how, but can you tell me…
Sherri [00:35:32] It’s not that type of podcast, Jackie No, we don’t want to…Go ahead sorry.
Bev [00:35:39] I was in a backslid state and I was actually going with a married man, and I was just very, very rebellious at the time. And next thing you know, you know, can I say it was…?
Sherri [00:36:00] Just go ahead whatever you want to say.
Bev [00:36:02] Okay. It was actually my first time sexually being active. And then next thing you know, I was pregnant and I didn’t know how to tell my mother because I was staying with my mother at the time. I felt like I had a relationship with the Lord. But, it was a lukewarm relationship, which was evident by what was happening. So then after I got pregnant, I still was singing in the choir and everything. So once I told my mom, of course she told me that I had to sit down.
Sherri [00:36:40] Which means you couldn’t be in a choir anymore?
Bev [00:36:41] Correct.
Sherri [00:36:42] Yeah.
Bev [00:36:43] Right. And then after that, it was like I started being shunned. And I wanted. I wanted to repent. But it was like the people that I felt that were supposed to love me were like…Didn’t want to be around me or was very…Would talk behind my back and you know, just stuff like that. I could just feel the…
Sherri [00:37:15] Judgment?
Bev [00:37:15] Yeah, that’s the word
Jackie [00:37:18] That had to feel really isolating.
Bev [00:37:20] Yes, it was. That was isolating. So I still was part of Kathryn Kuhlman ministry and still part of youth and I can remember. I don’t know. Am I allowed to say his name?
Sherri [00:37:37] You can. Yeah. Say whatever whatever you want.
Bev [00:37:39] Okay. Well, this. He was a well-known singer all over the world. His name was Jimmy McDonnell, and I ended up dating him, and I told him that I was, you know, pregnant. So he said, Well, by everybody just acting like I had the plague. He said, “Well, why don’t you come?” He lived in California. He says, “Why don’t you come out to California and I’ll take care of you until after you have a baby?” So I asked my mom. I told my mom, I said, “Jimmy wants me to move out to California with him.” And but I thought, you know, being that he was a well-known singer, was a minister and everything, I thought we were going to have separate apartments, but it ended up being that when I went out there. No, he wanted me to stay with him.
Jackie [00:38:31] Yeah.
Bev [00:38:31] And I would it’s the whole thing just..it was more things that to enemy had to bring me back into the enemy’s camp. So then I ended up, when I went home and I was, was just like going from the what do you say the pan into the front?
Sherri [00:38:48] Yeah. The pot into the pan.
Bev [00:38:51] Well anyway, so in an end up being worse. So then even though I was in that state, I knew that that was wrong and I couldn’t take it. And I think I was out there for maybe about for three months or so. I couldn’t get a job because, of course I’m pregnant. And then I didn’t know what to do. And I called my dad and I said, “Daddy, I said, this is wrong.” I said, “You know, I’m not married to this man and I don’t want to be married to him and I don’t want to keep in this sin, I don’t want to.” And I said, “I want to come home.” And he said, “Are you sure you want to come home?” And I said, “Yes, I want to come home.” He said, “Well, then you can stay with me.” He said, “I’m going to prepay you a ticket. I want to prepare your ticket and just pick it up at the airport. Get a cab and I’ll send you some money. Get a cab.” He’s said, “Wait until Jimmy’s out of town” because Jimmy traveled a lot. He said, “Just wait until he’s out of town,” he said. “And then you let me know, and then I’ll pick you up and you can stay with me.” And when I think about that, that my natural daddy loved me enough to when everybody else was shunning me or didn’t want to have anything to do with me. He said, “Come home.” It was almost like the prodigal son, you know? I’ll take care of you. And just to know that my natural dad had that much love for me to do that. How much more? It just made me…my relationship with the Heavenly Father so much deeper. So.
Sherri [00:40:35] We’re going to get sued.
Bev [00:40:36] So anyway, I ended up having her. And like I said, I was in Kathryn Kulhman’s ministry. And the strangest thing about it now, as big as her ministry and everything, was she…
Sherri [00:40:47] Let’s just say she was a very popular evangelist at the time, and she had a ministry that was world wide. If you Google Kathryn Kuhlman, you’ll see how big she was at the time. And our family was very involved in the music part of her ministry. So just in case people don’t know who she is.
Bev [00:41:05] Okay. And that was first time I brought Sherri to church and somebody told her that I was there. I didn’t even know that I was, you know, that they knew me all like that. So she sent one of her ushers and told me to bring Sherri back to see her. And I was like, “Wow.” I mean, it was all along the Lord was just showing me that He still loved me and He cared and was reaching out to me. So I took her back. And I remember her taking that blanket off her little round head. She was like, she that touched her head like this. She was like, “Boy, she said, she’s going to be really, really a smart girl.” He said by her…
Sherri [00:41:49] I had a big forehead, just say it.
Bev [00:41:50] Well, yeah. And she prayed for her and she began to prophesy over her. And the things that she said at that time have come to pass the Sherri’s doing now.
Sherri [00:42:04] Yeah.
Sherri [00:42:05] All right. That’s my momma talking about being pregnant. And then everything she went through having me. Was that an interesting story for you? I remember your face when she was talking about it, like, “Oh, this is a lot.”
Jackie [00:42:17] Yeah, but like…
Sherri [00:42:18] Because I never gave you a heads up whenever.
Jackie [00:42:21] No, and the way she talked about it didn’t sound like, I don’t know. It just sound like she handled it really well.
Sherri [00:42:28] Yeah, I mean it was obviously she had some trauma there. And then Kathryn Kuhlman is obviously it would be a big part of my past just because of the stories she told. So I’m always I study her a lot. Don’t please don’t write me saying, “You know, she’s a heretic.” Okay, that’s fine. But she…
Jackie [00:42:46] A what?
Sherri [00:42:46] A heretic like someone who preaches wrong stuff.
Jackie [00:42:49] Okay.
Sherri [00:42:50] Yeah, every I always say every person’s favorite preacher is another person’s heretic. So it’s dicey to bring people up and say, “Hey, I like, you know, Bishop so-and-so, I like Pastor so-and-so”, because there’s always one person that’s like, “You know, they’re heretic, right?” So anyway, coming up, we are going to talk about what’s going on the next episode. And then there is a fantastic mom hack. Specifically if you’re struggling financially, I have never heard someone say they did this before.
Jackie [00:43:24] It’s a good one.
Sherri [00:43:25] It is such a good one. So we’ll have that coming up.
Sherri [00:43:37] Welcome back to Snacks and Good Company. I’m Sherri Lynn and my co-host Jackie is here.
Jackie [00:43:42] Hi.
Sherri [00:43:43] We’re starting to get just a little hangry.
Jackie [00:43:46] Just a little bit.
Sherri [00:43:46] Do you get hangry?
Jackie [00:43:47] No. My husband does, though.
Sherri [00:43:49] Does he really?
Jackie [00:43:49] Yeah. But, you know, you think after all this time of being together, I’d understand when he comes home grumpy or something. I’m like, Maybe I should probably figure that out by now.
Sherri [00:43:58] But you don’t?
Jackie [00:44:00] No.
Sherri [00:44:00] He comes in and you’re like, “What’s your problem?”.
Jackie [00:44:01] Yeah, then he’s hungry. And I’m like, Oh, that makes sense.
Sherri [00:44:04] But then you give him a plate of food and then he eats and he’s fine.
Jackie [00:44:05] Yeah.
Sherri [00:44:05] Okay.
Jackie [00:44:05] It’s like nothing happened.
Sherri [00:44:06] I don’t know if I get hangry. I just get…It feels like drowsy.
Jackie [00:44:11] Yeah.
Sherri [00:44:11] Like where it’s like, I can’t do anything. I got to take a nap and then I’ll eat something. And we’re like, “Hey, let’s go to the park.”.
Jackie [00:44:17] Yeah.
Sherri [00:44:17] So that’s how I am. That’s how we’re feeling right now everybody. So we do not have our snacks here. Jimmy is here. Jimmy say, “Hi” on the mic.
Jimmy [00:44:24] Hi
Sherri [00:44:26] Okay, There you go so.
Jackie [00:44:27] He’s hangry.
Sherri [00:44:29] That was a hangry hi.
Jackie [00:44:30] Yeah.
Sherri [00:44:31] But he was like, Well, there’s no snacks in here.” The name of the podcast and Snack and Good Company and there’s no snacks in the studio.
Jackie [00:44:37] Yeah, we didn’t deliver that.
Sherri [00:44:38] No, we didn’t think about that at all. So anyway, next episode, guys of Snacks and Good Company, we will talk about how do you disciple your children? That was a specific question that you had.
Jackie [00:44:49] Yeah.
Sherri [00:44:50] How do you raise your kids to love Jesus?
Jackie [00:44:54] Yeah, that’s what I wanted to know because, I mean, we were exposed to Jesus and going to church every once in a while. But I don’t really have any memory of like, being, like, applying things.
Sherri [00:45:06] As a kid?
Jackie [00:45:06] Yeah. So I wanted to know how moms did that so I could do that.
Sherri [00:45:12] That’s wonderful. So next episode is going to be a like a real rich, full episode of voices, because we’ll talk to…We’ll go back to the moms at the roundtable, the young moms, you and your friends.
Jackie [00:45:21] Oh, yeah.
Sherri [00:45:21] Yeah. And they’ll talk about discipling kids. And then we’ll hear again from Tammy Hamilton. She’ll talk about it. My mom will talk about it. Your Aunt Nicki will get into it. Some of the callers. They’ll just be a lot of wisdom.
Jackie [00:45:32] Yeah, it’s it’s really good.
Sherri [00:45:33] Yeah, there’s a lot of wisdom on the next episode. Hopefully all the episodes guys have been wisdom filled. Oh, I forgot this mom hack. Let me put this here real quick. This is, I’ve never heard this before. If you’re struggling financially with your kids and who isn’t? This mom hack is key.
Lynn [00:45:52] I used to buy like a box of saltines. You can get a box of saltines pretty, you know, it wasn’t really cost that much. But when the kids ask for cookies, I’d hand them with saltines. So, for years they thought a cookie was a saltine. And so when they say, go have cookies down there, here’s another saltine. And I could afford that.
Sherri [00:46:15] That is a brilliant mom hack, a saltine as a cracker. All right, Saltine as a cookie, rather. I wish someone would have done that for me just for weight purposes.
Jackie [00:46:25] I was curious to know, at what point did the kids figure it out?
Sherri [00:46:30] Yeah. Oh yeah. That we’ve been duped. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone else is eating chocolate chip cookies. Yeah, eating saltines.
Jackie [00:46:35] Or they go to school and they’re like, “You guys want to try cookies?”
Sherri [00:46:37] And they’re like, “What is that?” Yeah, here’s my cookie. And it’s a saltine. Yeah, that’s very, very, very good. Try it with your kids at home and let us know how it goes. But All right. We’ll see you on the next episode. By the way, just a reminder, if you like this podcast, we sure hope you do make sure you subscribe. That helps us a lot. You know what else helps rating us when you need a nice rating? If you put a nice rating like a well, just something nice. Okay guys, you can rate us comments. All of that really helps us to kind of get out there. I think this is such a blessing for moms and that’s why we did it. So please do that. Share it with a mom, you know, that may need some help, may need some encouragement, may need some snacks, whatever the case may be. This is presented by purposely produced by yours truly. Sound Design by Lauren Tone Kirkland, Music by Matt Mason of Mason Haven Music. Art Design by Natoria Marketing. Social Media by Chenessa Scholer. Multimedia Photography by James Brunson. And we recorded the majority of this podcast in the Christian FM studios in Vero Beach, Florida. Until next time. Thank you, friends.
About Sherri:
Sherri Lynn has been a radio professional for well over a decade. She has her degree in Communications as well as Biblical Studies. Sherri is a writer, comedienne, and former youth pastor. She wrote and produced a comedy DVD entitled “The Very Funny Church Comedy Show: Together We Laugh”, wrote and starred in the stage play musical “The Bold and the Sanctified” which starred American Idol Winner Ruben Studdard, and authored the book “I Want To Punch You In The Face But I Love Jesus.” She is the producer of The Brant Hansen Show and “The Brant & Sherri Oddcast.”
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