Shaken: Suffering Well

How can faith provide comfort and strength during life-altering events? Steve Sunshine discusses is personal experience after being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. His podcast guest, Jim Matthews, joins him to discuss his serious health problems, and how community, faith, and peace can be found even amidst suffering. Where do you find solace in difficult times? Steve & Jim share their perspective!

Show Notes:

Books on Suffering Well recommended by Jim:

• Suffer Strong by Katherine and Jay Wolf
• You’ll Get Through This by Max Lucado
• Resilient by John Eldredge

Listen to Jim’s sermons at Lakeshore Christian Church

Transcription:

Purposely. Your life, God’s purpose. [email protected].

Steve Sunshine:

We live in a time of unprecedented comfort. We value safety and security, and maybe that’s why it’s so easy for us to be shaken when the straight road we’re on takes a sudden curve and seems to be pointing us in a direction we don’t want to go. Welcome to the Shaken Podcast. I’m Steve Sunshine. Your confidence, your mood, your perspective, even your faith may be shaken because of something that’s happened in your life. Jesus told us we’d have trouble in this world, so we’re shaken but not surprised. He also said, take heart. I have overcome the world. In this podcast, you’ll hear honest conversations with people who have or are going through life altering hard times and have found that God was with them in the midst of it all. We’ve got a special guest who will share his story in a few minutes, but first I want to tell you about the day that I found out that I have Parkinson’s disease.

See, I’ve always been the guy who doesn’t get sick. I’ve gone years without taking a sick day from work. How did I do it? Well, pizza and semi-annual exercise, but something was wrong and the evidence started piling up. I’ve been hearing things like, you aren’t engaged like you used to be. You’re forgetting conversations we’ve had. Did you notice you’re only swinging one arm when you walk, you’re holding your face crooked. Pick up your feet when you walk. Boy, everyone’s a critic, so I ended up at a neurologist’s office. He was named Dr. Tallman. I don’t remember if he was a tall man. He sat down during most of our visit, and by the way, I only mentioned his name so that I could get that joke in. There were two medical students observing. The doctor took me through a number of physical tests, one of them a balance test, gave me a particularly hard time.

I said to one of the medical students, I’ve never had very good balance. That’s what killed my career as a gymnast. Nobody laughed. If you’ve never had that talk with a doctor, the one that you’ll always remember is the diagnosis, I don’t recommend it. And I can’t imagine what it’s like from the doctor’s point of view. A lot of what he said is kind of fuzzy now until he said the words, I think you have Parkinson’s. Okay, stay calm. Process this. I only had a vague idea of what Parkinson’s was.

The doctor described brain cells being destroyed, loss of control of your body, chance of dementia, difficulty speaking loudly and clearly, and I’m sure there were others. So parts of my brain were being destroyed and I may lose the ability to function physically and mentally in a way that my relationships with my wife and kids can flourish. Instead, I thought I’ll eventually become a burden. Of all of it, dementia was the thing that scared me the most and I was hanging onto the fact that he said not all Parkinson’s patients get it. And I had another thing that was causing me great stress. I was going to have to figure out how to tell my wife, Gay.

Our guest on this episode is Jim Matthews. He’s senior minister at Lakeshore Christian Church in St. Joseph, Michigan, and he’s had and continues to have some serious health problems, but he continues to lead his church and to do it very well, and I’m honored that he’s here to share his story with us. Jim, I don’t want to go into more detail than that. I’d rather have you just share the story and tell us what happened. When did you first notice something was wrong?

Jim Matthews:

Well, thanks for the invitation, Steve. Let’s see, seven and a half years ago, it was May 1st, it was a Sunday morning. I stood up to sing the first song in church before I was going to be preaching that day, and I just felt this kind of a whoosh come over my whole body and I was like, what on earth? And I started having aura and in that I was like, maybe I’m getting a migraine because I deal with those on occasion. And so I went back and got a drink and everything and something to eat, looking for some medicine and come back up, preached the whole sermon, went through the message.

We had our elders doing a still chat that day. We were introducing a new concept of all in for our church and I just didn’t feel right. I had some dizzy spells through the morning. We had a dinner after church and by the time that was over, I was struggling, just not feeling well. Went home and laid down and just couldn’t get comfortable and put my symptoms into WebMD just to see what it would say. And it said something like aneurysm, like that’s strange. Maybe I better go to the emergency room.

Steve Sunshine:

WebMD says aneurysm, that’s probably a good time to actually go and have somebody take a look at you.

Jim Matthews:

Yeah, well, and my wife had asked me several times, should we go to the emergency room? I was like, no, I need to just get this, lay down and I’ll feel better, and obviously that didn’t happen. So we ended up in the emergency room in South Bend, Indiana and lo and behold my aorta tore from the top of my heart all the way down to the kidney area on the inside, fortunately, because if it would’ve been one of the other two types of aortic tears, I probably would’ve died instantly there at church. But the doctor come in and said, we’re going to have to go into surgery right away. Told me he was going to be opening my chest and they would be icing down all my organs and going on a bypass, the whole thing. So it was quite a shock.

Steve Sunshine:

At that moment, what was going through your mind?

Jim Matthews:

Well, It’s kind of like this, how did this happen? Why did this happen? That kind of thing. And of course when you’re going into emergency type of situation, all kinds of things go through your head. When they had taken me to get the CAT scan, they brought papers into my wife for her to sign and she just wasn’t sure what was happening and they said, well, he’s going to be going into surgery. And then when he explained the surgery, everybody left the room and it was just my wife and I, and I know she sensed that they were giving her space to say goodbye in case I didn’t make it. And so that was very emotional. In the meantime, when I was going out of the room, she had put on Facebook for our friends and family and people in our church to pray. She started reading those to me, people responding and praying, and we both just had this peace come over us at that moment.

So it was a 10 to 12 hour surgery. Lots of people came in, sat with her, and our elders came down. They got there, I don’t know how fast, I don’t know how they got there that fast, but prayed over me before I went into surgery. Anyway, I went through the surgery, they did the open heart. I had to have a heart valve replacement, with my aorta that tore on the inside, it created a false channel that was collecting the blood. They were hoping it would dissolve and it did not. So now four surgeries later in seven years, it’s still an ongoing type of thing. They’ve put a graft in my aorta three different times, and so I now have a full prosthetic aorta all the way from the heart down to my legs.

Steve Sunshine:

Wow.

Jim Matthews:

Yeah. It’s been a journey. It’s been a journey.

Steve Sunshine:

Yeah. When was the most recent surgery?

Jim Matthews:

So I had surgery May of 2022 was the most recent one, and that was the big one. That was the aorta, the abdominal aorta. So I was basically jokingly say cut in half and from your aorta there’s a lot of branches that go to organs, so that was a 12-hour surgery and they couldn’t do that locally. I ended up going to IU Hospital in Indianapolis and had an amazing surgeon. He is a Christian and just was just amazing. It’s been quite a process from that surgery that’s been the most extensive one, that part. We were in Indianapolis for a month. I was in the hospital for two weeks and then we stayed two more weeks and then I was pretty much out of commission for about three and a half months. I didn’t preach for four months.

Steve Sunshine:

How did you find peace or did you right away, was there a time where it was like, God, where are you? Or did you always sense that he was in it with you?

Jim Matthews:

That’s a great question. I mentioned we instantly found peace on that afternoon and my wife Margaret, who has been a rock this whole time, she always, from the very beginning had peace. And she says that that very first night all these people were there and she felt like they were watching her waiting for her to break down, but she just sensed God’s presence through that and has in every situation. Now, that doesn’t mean there’s not times of questioning and times of going through you know that, why am I going through this? Is this my new normal? Because after this last surgery, I’m not able to do as much. When I walk through the grocery store, but by the time I’m done, my side is pulling. And so I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions since then or since this last one, is this my new normal and it probably is going to be, and that’s okay.

So I have moments of questioning, but I always have trust God all the way through. I’m the type of person, some people read large portions of scriptures and do different things when they’re going through things. I’m more of a meditative type of person and there is a verse in Psalm 91 verses one and two, it says, whoever dwells in the shelter of the most high will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. And I will say of the Lord, he is my refuge and my fortress, my God and whom I trust, and that just became my life verse that I just trust and I have to trust in each and every day.

And so I tried to focus on that and in all these surgeries, there’s been one song from Bethel Worship that when it comes time and I’m having those feelings, I just crank this song in my earbuds and it’s called Stand In Your Love. It’s been a rock for me. Kind of like that verse and the very first verse says, when darkness tries to roll over my bones, when sorrow comes to steal my joy I own, when brokenness in pain is all I know, I won’t be shaken. No, I won’t be shaken. My fear doesn’t stand a chance when I stand in your love. And I’ve just held onto that, he’s my refuge in all this and I know he’ll use it for his glory.

Steve Sunshine:

I’ve fallen back a lot on Paul’s questioning about the thorn in his side and my strength is made perfect in weakness and have attempted at least to brag about my weakness so that Jesus could be stronger in me. For me, I went through a period of, with Parkinson’s with some pretty severe depression, but that and the verse in Philippians about, make your request to God with thanksgiving, prayer and thanksgiving and the peace of Christ which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Maybe, would you say that these examples where scripture comes and kind of boosts you up, it seems like to me that that’s evidence of if you draw near to God, he’s going to draw near to you.

Jim Matthews:

Yes. Yeah. That’s a great verse there from James. The concept of allowing the word of God to feed your soul. It is so true and it’s never more true than when you go through seasons like this. You want to question, but yet you know deep down in your heart because of God’s word is true and right and will speak into your life that you just have to hold onto those things. You mentioned depression, there have been a couple small bouts that I felt like I was headed down that road in this, and when that happens, usually I call on a few friends. The elders at our church have been a brotherhood for me, and I’m just so thankful that I have that community and we’re not meant to walk this kind of stuff alone.

Community has been very, very important for me. And also I felt like the Lord told me right before surgery number three, I sense that he was saying suffer well, and I wasn’t sure what that meant, that aspect, and I tried to be faithful in that and not sure what it meant, so I did some searching. I read a couple of books of people who have suffered way more than me in any way that dealt with a lot of things in that subject matter, and it all goes back to the same, it’s but God is my refuge, I’m going to trust in him. And that he has a plan and a purpose no matter what happens. I’m not saying God caused anything, I’m just saying he will use it for his glory.

Not long after my surgery, my first episode, about a year later, we had a lady in our church who was needing a heart valve replacement and I had a heart valve replacement in all of this, and she came to me one day and she said, every time I see you up there preaching, I am so comforted. I’m scared to death, but I have comfort because I know that God is faithful ’cause I’ve seen it. And so to me that was like, oh my goodness, when you suffer well, people take notice and that doesn’t mean you’re not vulnerable. It doesn’t mean that you’re not real, and maybe sometimes that’s what people need. Yes, I feel overwhelmed at times too. I understand where you’re coming from. You can do this because God is your refuge.

Steve Sunshine:

Yeah. Well, and maybe that’s one of the purposes of receiving trouble that you can help somebody else along the way.

Jim Matthews:

Absolutely. I mean, that gives me comfort because it’s like it gives me purpose in the pain. And not that I want the pain, we don’t desire that, right? However, it is a joy when God uses it for his glory and I see it.

Steve Sunshine:

This may be a hard question to answer. Somebody who knows you well could probably answer it better, but have you sensed God growing you through this? Do you feel like you’re a different person?

Jim Matthews:

Absolutely. I think what I sense is, well, I have a pastoral heart to start with, I believe.

Steve Sunshine:

That’s good ’cause you’re a pastor.

Jim Matthews:

Is that it, right?

Steve Sunshine:

I don’t have a pastoral heart, but I decided to become a pastor anyway.

Jim Matthews:

Listen, I’ve met pastors that doesn’t seem to have a pastoral heart, it’s okay. God gives us all different gifts for different reasons, but I think it was there, but what it has done for me and my growth is it just helps me to have a more sensitive heart, I think, toward people who may be suffering, and it also gives me a different view of my family and my wife and my relationships and also the brevity of life. It puts it in perspective. This isn’t all there is.

Steve Sunshine:

That’s right.

Jim Matthews:

This world has a lot of trouble right now, and we need to realize that there is someone who has overcome and one day we will walk across the same portal, all of us will, and there is hope, there is life, there is power, and this isn’t our home. And so it’s put it in perspective and it’s helped me to, I believe, to walk differently.

Steve Sunshine:

Yeah. Okay, so switching gears a little bit. Has anything about this inspired humor or, ’cause I want to hang onto the idea that you get a diagnosis, you go through some sort of trauma, life doesn’t stop being joyful, and it really doesn’t stop being funny.

Jim Matthews:

Yeah. Well, that’s an interesting question, Steve. To me, I try to be joyful in things. I mean, some things that have come out of it with the artificial heart valve, mine’s mechanical, and so I tick really loud.

Steve Sunshine:

Is there a bomb in here?

Jim Matthews:

Yeah, right? And it’s funny, and it usually happens when I’m meeting with someone or talking with someone in a more quiet room and I was like, well, let’s pray. And we have, there’s this little bit of a silence there, and this happened a couple of times. After I’m done, someone will say, is there a clock that’s ticking somewhere? That kind of thing.

Steve Sunshine:

So that doesn’t happen all the time, just from time to time?

Jim Matthews:

Just from time to time. Yeah, I’ve had that. It’s interesting because the joy that I have just walking in life and that when people know my story or hear my story, they tend to, and maybe you’ve experienced this, they’ll just pause and kind of look at you a different way and say, how you doing? And it’s almost like they don’t want to believe that, you know what? I’m doing good, yeah. Yeah, I have pain, yeah, this isn’t the way I want to live life, but you know what? God is good. And so I definitely can understand when people go through things and people look at them differently, I just don’t let it bother me and I’m still my jovial self, like to laugh and tell jokes. You’ve heard me preach, you know I like, enjoy laughs.

Steve Sunshine:

Absolutely. Speak to someone who’s just had either a diagnosis or it could be a divorce or the loss of a loved one or the loss of a job or the loss of a dream or something that they know is going to change their lives in a way that they would not have wanted.

Jim Matthews:

Yeah. Well, first of all, what I’m going to say is in no way would minimize your pain, that what you’re feeling is real and it’s okay to go through this journey. Those kinds of things, the things that you listed and mentioned, we are all different types of people. I might handle something one way, you may handle it a different way, and there’s no wrong or right way in dealing with things. God created us differently, so that’s the first thing. Secondly, I would highly encourage you to go to the word of God and find something like you and I mentioned, our verses, that you can meditate on, that you can claim as a promise from God because these are his words to you and to myself, and we need to claim them as over us. The third thing is don’t go at it alone. Find community. Don’t isolate yourself. That’s not the way I think God intended for us to live, is in isolation. I think that’s what was so hard about Covid.

Steve Sunshine:

Oh yeah.

Jim Matthews:

I know it was hard for me because my third surgery was February 26th, 2020, and that’s when they moved my, they replumped my carotid arteries and moved things around and put a graft in the arch of my aorta. Well, you know what happened of March of 2020. And that was a hard one because we were living in isolation to slow the Covid for 14 days that turned into months. And I realized then is I need my support in this. I had my family and my wife, we had that, but there was other things I missed. And so I know that God gives us gifts of people that can support us, and so clinging to that and don’t isolate yourself and be vulnerable and be honest with God. If you’re feeling a certain way, he can handle it. We have a big God that we serve, and I think us being vulnerable before him and sharing our heart openly with him is of value because he’ll minister to that heart.

Steve Sunshine:

That’s a good place to stop. Thank you, Jim. I really appreciate you joining us, and if you’d like to hear Jim preach and I highly recommend it, go to lakeshorechristian.org and we’ll put that in the show notes.

Jim Matthews:

Sounds great. We’d love to have you all join us.

Steve Sunshine:

Thanks for joining us on Shaken. Check out the show notes for books that Jim recommends on suffering well. If you’ve been encouraged by what you’ve heard, please like and share this podcast. We’re brand new. In fact, you’ve just listened to the very first episode, so we’re counting on you to help spread the word. Find future episodes of shaken at purposely.com or wherever you get your podcasts.