Brought Back To Life: On The Road To Restoration with Lynette Floreano

For almost 13 years Lynette wondered what her purpose was and why she was even here. She thought her testimony was lame and that her story didn’t matter. However, when she began to look closer at her life, she realized how powerful her story really is. Everything changed when she realized her purpose and how God was leading her steps.

Transcription:

Lynette Floreano: It was like, okay God, you restored so many things in my life. My job, my finances, relationships, my physical health, my mental health. And now all of a sudden, I also felt like he was restoring my purpose. For almost 13 years, I wondered what is my purpose and why am I here? And I felt like I had, I knew my purpose and it was so strong. And that’s what got me through every single day.

Narrator: We’ve all experienced it. You run into a friend from the past. There’s something different. They are changed. Maybe there is a calm where there once was a storm. Maybe there is gentleness instead of harshness. There’s a new passion, a new life. What changed? Welcome to Brought Back To Life, a podcast where we explore stories of ordinary transformation.

Lynette Floreano: Hi, this is Lynette. I do the Morning Show on PRAISE 106.5, and I used to think that my testimony, my story was lame, and I really didn’t know what my purpose was in life. Not really. I grew up in a Christian home. My dad was a pastor and of course my mom played the piano. And I was a pastor’s kid. Before you roll your eyes and go, oh, one of those, I was actually a good one.

I went to Sunday school. I went to prayer meetings. I did all this stuff. Mission trips, youth camps, you name it. And I remember by the time I was in middle school, I would hear testimonies of people that would come to our church, and they would share how they were drug addicted and how God had saved them.

I remember one guy was a prisoner in a POW camp and how God had sustained him. Or they would go on and they would have these amazing testimonies with all these details, and my eyes would get huge and I’m like, wow. I don’t really have a testimony. And it wasn’t until I was in my thirties, that somebody told me, you know, what not having a testimony is kind of a cool testimony because it shows how God was in your life and directed you, and you were following him, and that you had a purpose.

And then I started to love that I didn’t have a lame testimony, that I had a testimony that God was there. And I always knew that I have had a strong faith in God. I love my family. And then my parents got divorced and my faith was shaken. And it wasn’t until I was in my early twenties that I started to wonder when I love people so hard, why does God take them away? And there was a period in my life where I lost a close or immediate family member every single year right around Christmas time, started with my grandmother. And that’s so hard. If you’ve lost a grandmother that is so difficult. I lost My grandma. I lost a sister at 31. And another sister at 31. The following year, my favorite uncle, and then an aunt. And then I lost a baby half term. And that was so hard. And then my dad, and I used to think that if I love somebody too much, that God was going to take him away. And I really thought that, and it’s not true. God loves us. And he loves those that we love too. He doesn’t take them away. He doesn’t do mean things to us, but, uh, it’s interesting how your faith can get twisted a little bit and, and you can feel that God’s not there.

During my marriage of 30 years, there was a time when I just thought everything was perfect. Everything was great. It was wonderful. And when bad things happened, I would forgive and move forward, because that’s what we do. We’re Christian women, and we’re supposed to forgive, forget, and never talk about it. Never talk about it and move forward.

I got divorced. And I thought once I got divorced, God can’t use me anymore. Nope. I’m all done. And, uh, you kind of walk around and feeling like I have a big D on my head. And if I heard that little phrase, uh, one more time, I was going to smack somebody. “Well, it takes two!” Obviously from someone who had never been through what I was going through.

I had kids to raise. Was I not strong enough? Did I not fight harder enough? I kept forgiving and, and moving forward, what was wrong with me? I began to spiral, uh, before the divorce, and went into a very severe what they called severe clinical depression. And I have fought that for over 20 years, and that is not something I talk about.

I’m a happy person. I am. And I learned many, many years ago that joy was a choice. That I needed to find joy in big things and little things and everyday things. And that’s what would get me through on some days. I completely leaned into Nehemiah 8:10. That’s a verse in the Bible that I love. The joy of the Lord is my strength. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I would tell myself that each and every time, but when you tell somebody that you deal with depression, they’re like, oh, well, that’ll go away. Or you’ll get better or just go outside and take a walk or do something fun. And it’s like, that’s not, when you don’t have serotonin in your brain, that doesn’t work, but thank you for that.

And so, I just stopped telling people. So, they would frankly, stop trying to fix it for. It was easier to fake being okay, than to explain that after work, I would go home and curl up in a ball and, and that’s it. I would sleep, or I would on holidays be by myself in my closet, crying. It felt like I was a zombie, no life at all. Just going from day to day. Nobody wants to hear that. So, I didn’t talk about that at all until now. 

So over 20 years and, uh, wondering, you know, am I not praying right? Is God mad at me because I didn’t stay in my marriage, because I wasn’t strong enough, because I wasn’t fulfilling his purpose for me? I believed all of those lies over and over again.

And at one point I actually thought that God forgot my, my address because I moved. I thought that’s it. He just doesn’t know my address. And for years just felt like I was treading water, you know? Constantly just treading water and just trying to make it through each and every day. I never cried in front of my kids ever. I just didn’t want them to feel bad, and I think a lot of people that deal with depression or go through hard things constantly or deal with a lot of trauma, the one thing that we have in common is we don’t want anybody else to go through that. And especially our children.

Um, my mom kept it from me for 35 years. My mom never let me know when my daddy would break her heart, or he would break her trust, or that he would break promises, or when they were going through their divorce. And I did the same thing. Now at this age, my kids are all adults and they, some of them have kids of their own, they’ve seen me cry for the first time. And I’ve learned that it’s okay. It’s okay. And, you know, I learned that God wasn’t mad at me. He wasn’t mad that I got divorced. I was strong to live through 30 years of all sorts of things. I hadn’t let him down. God was with me. And I knew that he had not forgotten me.

The joy of the Lord was my strength. I think one of the things that was a turning point for me after I went through my divorce, was learning that God’s always there. Sometimes I hear the phrase that he shows up. I know he’s always there, it’s just, sometimes I’m not looking for him and trying to figure things out on my own or fix it myself. But he’s always with us. Sometimes we just don’t recognize that. And a lot of times we don’t see it while we’re going through it. But when we look back, oh yeah, God was with me. I know he was. God was getting me through this every step of the way. And I don’t know if that was to be able to come alongside my friends that are going through the same thing, because when I went through my divorce after 30 years, I also had three best friends, and we were all dealing with the same thing at the same time. And, uh, we were able to help each other. One of us would always be up on a day when someone else was down. There was always somebody with a perfect verse to share, or word of encouragement or big hug when we needed it, or pint of Haagen Daz when we needed it.

Did you know that that’s a serving for four people? I didn’t know that. And you know what? I frankly didn’t care at that point in my life. Anyway, one of my friends was always close by to reach out for that phone call, or crying or saying, I can’t do this anymore. The turning point for me is when I realized that you know what, God can use me.

I remember seeing a meme that touched my heart and it had a picture of broken crayons, and it said you can still color beautiful pictures even with broken crayons. And that meant so much to me because it was like, oh, even though I got divorced, my self-esteem is gone. I feel like nothing. I feel like I can’t do anything right. God doesn’t want me. 

God can still use me. He can use my broken story, my testimony, and it’s okay to talk about it because there’s so many people that have gone through this. My mom, my sister, and I just really wanted to succeed at my marriage. I wanted to be different, but here I was. And God was with me.

There were some instances just even in the last 10 years that I got to the point so low that I wanted to take my own life. And that didn’t happen once, it didn’t happen twice, it happened several times. And again, when you’re on the radio, encouraging everyone else and lifting them up, and trying to walk them through something that’s horrible, the last thing you want to say is, oh, by the way, can you be praying for me? I really don’t want to live any longer. They’ll either think, oh my goodness, let’s take her to a doctor, or I don’t believe you. 

So again, you just don’t talk about it. I had my prayer partners, and my mom was a big one for me, always has been, and I’m so thankful. And finally, it’s been four years and I have not had to deal with that. I’ve not had those thoughts. The joy of the Lord was my strength. God didn’t show up… He was always there, and he brought me through those times, and he continues to bring me through so many times in my life. And when I look back during those dark times, during those sad times, and oh, those alone times, I remember when God surrounded me with just what I needed, with just who I needed, at a time when I needed it most. And it was at Christmas time, right after I had gotten divorced. Every time I think of this story, I have the biggest smile on my face and my heart was just so full, and I knew God was with me. I had just moved into my own place from having seven people in my home, living in my home, to me and my cat by myself.

And that was hard, and it was Christmas time. I had some friends coming over and I had a tree in my house, but I couldn’t decorate it, cause we always did that as a family. And I didn’t have my family close to me in order to do this. My friends came over and said, you know what? We’re going to decorate your tree for you. And it was just a simple thing. One gal came over early, put all the lights on. The other gal said where all your ornaments? 

And they began to decorate my tree with all of these precious moments and all of these memories that I had had for over 30 years. And they started singing Christmas songs and they sang. And for about an hour, we just sang Christmas songs, and Christmas hymns, and it was the best, best memory ever. And it was, that was another turning point. A point where I was going from feeling desperate, of feeling like I was nobody, like I wasn’t worthy. Feeling like God couldn’t use me anymore.

But after that Christmas, I felt God telling me, you don’t have to defend yourself. And I felt God saying, I’ll take care of this. You just need to be silent. 

 So, I went to a counselor for over a year and prayed for, for so long. My co-host at the time on the radio was so understanding when I’d come in and, and tears to work crying, early in the morning and said, what happened? Are you okay? And it was, Nope, just heard the right song at the right time. And it was then on, that it was the right song, maybe it was the right sermon, maybe it was the person, that came alongside me. Uh, another person I remember said, God gives you what you need when you need it. And so many years of going okay, am I where you want me God? Am I supposed to be here? I did what you told me to do, but I’m still here. I’m still in tears. What can I, what can I do? And sometimes I’ve learned God can work fast. And those prayers are answered quickly. Other times, and in my case, it took so many years that he answered prayers. I am in and now you’re going, okay, so where are you now? What are you doing? Well, I am currently on the road to restoration, and sometimes this happens quick in people’s lives. Other times it takes a very, very long time. And last year was my year to have restore as my word and my theme. And I thought why? It doesn’t sound very fun. It’s not as exciting as some of my past words, hope, love, believe, thrive, peace. These were some of my words, and I would just focus on those, but why restore? But one by one things restored for me all last year. And I have seen God’s work in miraculous ways beyond, beyond what I could even imagine. And I guess some of us just take a little bit longer to work on the restoration process.

One instance I can think of is when my former co-host of 13 years passed away. He died suddenly at the beginning of the year, last year. He was one of my very best friends. I used to call him my older wiser brother, and he was quite worried about his health, that he would die of cancer one day. And he didn’t die of cancer. He actually had a heart attack and was gone, uh, the day after he had gotten his clean bill of health, again. He was so happy and then he was gone, and this was all during COVID. And every day coming into work with nobody here, was so hard. It was like, okay, God, you restored so many things in my life, my kids, my job, my finances, relationships, my physical health, my mental health, and now all of a sudden, I also felt like he was restoring my purpose for almost 13 years. I wondered what is my purpose and why am I here? And I felt like I had, I knew my purpose, and it was so strong and that’s what got me through every single day. And, and months later, God restored even my cohost, by bringing a good friend alongside once again, to co-host the Morning Show with me. Someone who actually knew Jim and was there to empathize and laugh when there needed to be laughter, but also understand. And that’s just one of the things God restored in my life last year. 

Big things, little things, uh, things that were important at one time to me, uh, things that I lost… one by one, things were getting restored. My health. That’s a big thing. And probably the biggest thing is that God restored my heart. I met an amazing man that came into my life when I was not looking, and neither was he. And God restored my heart that I thought was so completely shattered that I would never trust again. Would never love again. He restored the relationship with my kids. He gave me a whole new family, uh, in my husband, with his family and his in-laws and aunts and uncles. All those, all those family members that I had lost, God restored and brought double triple into my life. He also restored my career. My job. My passion. He even restored my car. I had the cutest little convertible Volkswagen bug and I didn’t have it anymore. And it was so much fun to drive, and it gave me joy. Well, God even restored that, how many years later? Almost 10 years later. And I’m driving a little convertible red Mustang, that’s over 20 years old. I’m always looking on Craigslist. I’m always looking at convertible bugs, or my dream car, which would be a convertible Mustang. I never had the money for that. Never thought of that, but it’s fun to dream. And I always like to look at them. And, uh, my co-host and I would always, oh, look at this one. Oh, look at this Mustang. Oh, this is pretty.

Ended up finding one that was in my price range, and I actually had that amount of money in my account that could be used for that car, because I had been saving just in case, just in case. My husband says, do it. You have wanted one of those, all your life. And then I told the kids, Hey kids, guess what? I got a car. And they’re like, no, mom, you did not get that little convertible red Mustang. I’m like, yes, I did. And of course, they all had to have a ride in it. And, and I look at that and go, how did that happen? God was there. He cares. He cares about your heart. He cares about your dreams. He cares about your desires.

And at the end of the year, my husband and I are now building a home together, and that’s something I never thought we would be doing. Not during COVID. Uh, not during this economy. Not during anything. And yet, he brought this to us, with our neighbors. We’re now building our house together, and that was one of the last things that he restored at the end of the year, last year. So, God restore us. He restored my marriage. He restored relationships. He restored my purpose in life and that’s a powerful thing. 

It’s interesting. We hear people talk about their passion or their purpose or their dreams, and for. 13 years, I felt like I didn’t have any, I didn’t even have a goal when somebody would ask me about a goal. I couldn’t think of that, but I know my purpose. I want to come alongside women, especially and hurting so bad that they don’t want to live, or that they don’t want to go on, or that they feel like nobody can love them. And I want to come alongside and say, yes, God loves you, and you are worth loving. And if that’s all I do to help them so that they don’t have to endure pain, like I went through, or the pain that they’re going through, if that helps lessen that, then that’s my purpose. My calling. My testimony. Did you hear that? My testimony! My story, and it’s not lame. No. My purpose to let you know, you are not alone. That you are strong, and you are strong because the joy of the Lord is your strength and He’ll help you get through it every single day.

Narrator: We are telling these stories of transformation so you can know and understand the power of Jesus in your own life. If you’d like to learn more about Jesus and how he can bring you back to life, visit us at onpurposely.com/whoisjesus. You can follow Brought Back To Life on apple podcasts, I heart radio or wherever you’re listening right now.

Thanks for listening to Brought Back To Life from Purposely.